Category Archives: Conscious Parenting

Feb26

Relationship Beyond Transactions

Posted on February 26, 2018 by Sargam Mishra

So we completed an amazing workshop of Enlightened Relationships in the month of Love. Once again as we concluded this workshop I was left with some thoughts on how everyday people create a recipe for dis functional relationships and then we spend our life looking for solutions. One of the biggest issues that I see among couples is their underlying silent contracts based on their transactions in love and manipulation to meet their needs. Before we deep dive let us understand what is a TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP?

A transactional relationship is a relationship where both (or all) parties are in it for themselves, and where partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. This expectation in relationships is underlying not verbally communicated or agreed , it is a kind of one sided contract with a one sided understanding. For example you being with your partner when he or she is unwell silently expecting he will be there with you too when you need him. If this does not happen you feel betrayed, let down. Silently you binded the person in a contract which he/she was not aware.

Anything done to a partner /relationship without unconditional love but in anticipation of reciprocation is like silently creating a one sided contract without mutual agreement.

"TERMS AND CONDITIONS" Tag Cloud (contract legal use button)

Almost all relationships start here. People tend to date a person because of what they get out of it. Doing otherwise would actually be kind of weird. Genuine concern for a partner’s well-being (some might call it “love”) is something that generally grows as the relationship progresses. But some relationships never get past the transactional stage.

The roots of this kind of relationships are sowed early in the childhood where as soon as a child is born the parents start binding the child in several one sided contracts. The child is invisibly attached to the strings where they are suppose to take care of the parent’s expectations to meet the parent’s needs of feeling loved, understood and respected. The child is manipulated to do what the parent’s feel is best for the child. This is often done by using love and acceptance as a tool. So parent’s can cut off the supply of love and acceptance if a child goes against their wishes.

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Since child hood you are told what you need to grow up as, which subjects to choose, what to aspire for so that the parent’s can feel important in the society and most of the times money is spent on you so that they are sure that in old age you are indebted to take care of them. None of this is said this way, I know I sound tooo bad, but somewhere silently we create these silent contracts and feel deeply betrayed when our child decides to marry a girl of their choice. The child chooses a career that he /she is passionate about. The child scores low in college and the list is long.

When this child grows up he /she uses the same tactics to manipulate the partner in love. Because this is what he or she knows about love. The following equations can be seen in a transactional relationship.

Either meet people needs to be indespensable , the people pleaser attitude where a person has extremely low self esteem, low self love and self image and associates their worth from the love and appreciation they receive from their primary caregiver.
The Give in expectation of reciprocation this is a silent contract, a person gives up friends to give more time to the partner, silently expecting the other partner to do so. Pays dinner bills expecting you would do so in return. Gives you gifts so that he receives them too.
Buying love and loyalty by giving gifts or using money , silently binding people in contracts of obligation which they have never agreed to. I will pay for the house bills you take care of my physical needs a silent contract that is seen between couples where one is earning and the other is taking care of the house. Money can also be used to silently ensure the partner is silent to any discomfort /emotional/mental because using money they can shop and take care of their needs.
Not creating boundaries in a relationship so that the other partner also does not have any boundaries.

The birth of a chid is a privilege a gift that the parents need to unwrap by nurturing and raising the child in partnership , to help the expansion of the child and allow it to connect with their own talents and gifts. Instead most of the parents use children as means of achievement in the world. The trophy that they can project when they have to prove their worth.Not realising that when these children grow up they will repeat the same mistakes in relationships creating conditional love and manipulative connections. The subconscious contracts that we create with ourself and our parents become the basis of our intimate relationships. If you were yourself unhappy being in such a conditional parental setup do you think it can work in a love relationship where you have much more flexibility to step out?

Love has been misunderstood greatly in the world , it has been associated with transactions. Less than 5% people are fortunate to experience parenting by parents who were unconditionally giving. There is no doubt why most of the relationships issues happen over these subconscious contracts.

Conscious relationship contracts are still better, when you directly sit and decide on what are the expectations in a relationship and agree mutually on it. This way you clear out any one sided underlying expectations.

Business transactions are such a tedious process because both the parties have to clearly lay down the terms and conditions. If any one of the T&Cs are not acknowledged the party can file a lawsuit. In love relationships we are constantly creating subconscious terms and conditions without even asking the partner to buy in and we feel betrayed and let down in a relationship. Is this even justified? Can this ever guarantee happiness and a lasting relationship?

This can be undone by stopping ourselves from repeating the same patterns and Inner Child Healing is one of the best tools to help you heal.

Life is about BEING FREE from these subconscious contracts which do not serve your highest good. Love because you feel you are in love not because it will beget love. Be aware of your tendencies to manipulate people in order to meet your needs.

Love because it makes you feel amazing, do things that express your passion not because everyone is doing it. Create Relationships that challenge you, make you vulnerable, make you explore your own gifts, push you to your limits of love.

Not because you can manipulate them to get love. It won’t be fulfilling !

Nov30

Suicide ..Not An Escape From Life

Posted on November 30, 2017 by Sargam Mishra

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Sargam Mishra Suicide Article.png Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Many more attempt suicide. Suicide occurs throughout the lifespan and is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds globally.

Suicide is a global phenomenon; in fact, 78% of suicides occurred in low- and middle-income countries in 2015. Suicide accounted for 1.4% of all deaths worldwide, making it the 17th leading cause of death in 2015. There are indications that for each adult who died of suicide there may have been more than 20 others attempting suicide.

(Source:http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)

If you have experienced the pain of losing a loved one who committed suicide you can understand why it is so important to talk about it and spread awareness and discourage children and young adults to even consider this as an option in life.

The present wave of children that are incarnating are highly sensitive and emotional by nature. When born in a family or environment which does not seem conducive or in alignment with their expectation leads to disgust , resentment and depression.

I was asked to connect with an 18 year old boy from Maharashtra in July he had several issues with parents a very soft personality. I was asked to have a conversation with Mridul by a close family member , The background given was that he is in depression and was not interested in going to college as his self esteem was very low as he was not able to speak english. His father is an officer , alcoholic but was rarely around due to his transferable work. Mother a house wife but extremely dissatisfied in married life and quite superstitious and lots of fights between the son and mother.

I scheduled a video call with Mridul so that he could open up about his issues. As we saw each other on Video there he was smiling in front of me , he was expecting a very senior lady but seeing me smile he gave a huge smile in return ,I complimented Mridul for his smile and we burst into a laugh he was a bit hesitant and said ‘Didi Mujhe Bohot Gussa Aata hai’ (I Get Very Angry) and then I end up resenting the outcome of my anger… and we continued with our session I found him hesitant to divulge about his life initially but gradually it was a good session.

After we concluded the session I was reviewing our talk and was reflecting , children nowadays have a lot to deal with at an early age. With parents not being available, rise in divorce rates, issues with self image and confidence, fear of rejection, handling expectations and lots of competition. Children nowadays do not have the emotional cushion, when they are hit by harsh realities they do not have the strength to cope and their life is scattered.

I remembered a talk I attended in 2015 where Sadhguru was emphasising how the youth will need to be brought up consciously because they have access to all kind of information today , they also have access to means (money and resources) they can either make themselves up or will fall prey to drugs, pornography, addiction and depression causing nuisance in family and society and once they realise their mistakes can also commit suicide for lack of sense of self worth and purpose.

After the session we could only connect on watsapp , in September when I messaged him I got to know his father was ill and he was in hospital, last message I received in October on Dushera and he replied with a smiley. I left for my vacation and had not heard from him in a month… Yesterday morning I got a message that Mridul committed suicide. I was really struck and was resenting again and again I should have called him up….the only question haunted me WHY… WHY YOU DID THIS??

Your Life is THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF LIFE , the most amazing phenomena happening now! No person , no situation, no event is worthy enough of ending this life. When you allow life to flow through you , you are playing an important part in the web of the COSMOS.

THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE PRECIOUS SOULS
WHO HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN TO END THEIR OWN LIVES AND TO
THOSE WHO ARE STILL WITH US BUT STRUGGLING WITH DARK AND DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS AND CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.

MAY THEY ALL FIND A REASON TO LIVE.

Suicide is actually the greatest living crimes one can commit.

Here is why:

Your Body Is Sacred , The body is the only means through which the spirit or the soul finds expression in the material world. It is our responsibility to take care of this body given to us by our parents and ensure we use it to the fullest potential. When we commit suicide we are only ending the body but the spirit lives and has to wait in the astral world for the time you were meant to live. This is a painful process because without the body , the soul cannot experience time and this wait seems to be like several 100 years. As the carnal desires of the soul were still not fulfilled and its existence was ended abruptly the soul longs to experience them but fails miserably. This is similar to living in hell , the soul goes through immense remorse and wait in the astral plane.

Although it seems an end of suffering , it actually is a beginning of far more greater misery and remorse. Ignorance is not a bliss , when we see such events in life our duty for becoming responsible and conscious parents increases manifold.

Unless we lay a strong foundation of character building and virtues for our children by practicing and living the teachings ourselves it will be very difficult to expect them to follow. A better world can only be created by our actions, words and thoughts.

This is my message to everyone out there who are thinking of committing suicide rethink about the potential of life which is reverberating within you. You are VALUABLE!!

Love Sargam!

Reference article “Suicide Is Not Death,” William Q. Judge (a close colleague of H.P. Blavatsky and co-founder with her of the Theosophical Society) expressed the matter like this:

“The fate of the suicide is horrible in general. He has cut himself off from his body by using mechanical means that affect the body, but cannot touch the real man. He then is projected into the astral world, for he has to live somewhere. There the remorseless law, which acts really for his good, compels him to wait until he can properly die. Naturally he must wait, half dead, the months or years which, in the order of nature, would have rolled over him before body and soul and spirit could rightly separate. He becomes a shade; he lives in purgatory, so to say, called by the Theosophist the “place of desire and passion,” or “Kama-Loka.” He exists in the astral realm entirely, eaten up by his own thoughts. Continually repeating in vivid thoughts the act by which he tried to stop his life’s pilgrimage, he at the same time sees the people and the place he left, but is not able to communicate with any one …”

Nov17

Healing The Inner Child – Energy Approach

Posted on November 17, 2016 by Sargam Mishra

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sargam-and-samaira

“Your children will reflect your own shadows and unhealed inner child. It is important to heal your inner child to live a fulfilling life and raise happy and loving children”

Sargam Mishra

The first 6 years of a child’s life is of utmost significance because they pick up their belief systems from their primary caregivers and by silently observing their environment.So you can say a child develops the psychological blueprint during the initial 6 years of life and it determines the emotional response of the child for the rest of life. The child develops the capabilities of handling life situations and also develops a sense of self during these initial years. The foundation of ‘self confidence, self worth , good self image and emotional well being are all laid during this time. It is said that children do not learn what they are taught instead they learn by observing how the parents deal with their own life and situations. The behavior of the primary caregivers (parents) with the child determines how he or she perceives the world.The relationship with our parents and caretakers and their relationships with each other is the single most important connection a child establishes. This also transforms into their definition of LOVE. This is what they seek out in their intimate relationships once they grow up. Based on these belief they start creating their reality and manifesting people and situations in life.

I am inspired to write this blog specially after the super successful one on one sessions during the 21 Days of Prosperity Healing event with participation from 5 Countries and nearly 15 cities within India it was such a pleasure and privilege to be with a group of 80 amazing people from varied walks of life.

The event has several worth sharing experiences but the most beautiful part of this event was the one to one connect for healing blockages/inner child healing sessions , the healing sessions were conducted over call due to people being in different time zones my calendar was blocked from morning till late evening for one week. This was a 30-45 minute connect which started as an initiative to work on the prosperity blocks but once we connected I got the opportunity to work on various aspects of life where participants gave me permission to work with their baby self and shared the broken parts of their life. It has been one of the most enriching Healing Event of my life and I am so grateful to the participants for sharing their life with me. During the healing sessions I could understand how people were continuously creating same scenarios in their life either in their work life, personal life and intimate relationships mirroring their early upbringing and .

I had earlier written on the same subject as “Parenting Our Emotional Self ” with a beautiful do it yourself practice by Thich Naht Hahn which many of you loved. Please find the link Parenting Our Emotional Self if you want to read it. However as I do more and more healing and grow and evolve myself my understanding of life and techniques of healing also evolve. Here I am describing few of my amazing healing sessions conducted recently. I will be adding this to my offering so feel free to book an appointment and experience the Inner Child Healing.

Inner Child Healing – Book an Appointment

I got the opportunity to use Pranic Healing along with Psychotherapy and Inner Child Healing during these sessions. My first session was with a lady who is a senior healer and spiritual practitioner herself the healing was related with her long term physical problem and she wanted help healing any energy imbalance/block related to it. We started the process and in 30-45 minutes of healing and consultation there was a shift in the pain associated with the problem she was able to feel a connect with her own being and we could identify the root cause of the issue which was related to an unhealed aspect of her past. Her testimonial was beautiful and then I got more requests for doing the one on one sessions. In 6 days I connected with nearly 55 people and use the same methodology and the results were superb.

Another amazing healing was done with a lady who had been subjected to a traumatic childhood experience and was facing the shadows of it in her love relationships. When we started working on the block there was a lot of self worth issues and lack of self confidence once the session started and she was feeling in safe zone we started working on the inner child who was still living the same fear of her abusive childhood and unknowingly due to these fears she was manifesting people and situations that were mirroring more of this shadow aspect. In about 45-50 minutes of healing she could develop a bond with her inner child and understood that as she has abandoned the inner child within her she was experiencing a deep pain and loneliness in life. The pain and loneliness could not be fulfilled from external relationships as it was something she was creating within. I was so touched myself with the healing experience once we completed the healing and started with the affirmations there was so much love flowing from her that even I had tears in my eyes. These were tears of joy from both of us. The session ended with deep gratitude from my end to all the invisible helpers who were helping these healing through me.

Another beautiful session was conducted with a business man who was doing well in his life but wanted to be able to move ahead in life and be more successful financially,.The block he identified was procrastination. We had an interesting discussion around how and why people procrastinate even important decisions in life and then he opened up on his fear of losing money and also the mirroring of the attitude picked up from his primary caregiver (procrastination).He had a fear associated with business and failure as he had seen his father struggle with debt and bankers. The event happened nearly 40 years back but the emotional fear about losing money and the pain associated with it was still residing within him. He himself is a very passionate person but loses spark related to his business matters. Interesting conversations right..how people unconsciously live on borrowed beliefs for years.

Below are few more testimonials from the event and I am also adding the do it yourself technique for doing the inner child work. However when we work with a healer the ealer can results are more profound as the healer can help raise your vibrations quickly and can walk you through the dark areas of your past with ease and non judgement.

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The Inner Child Healing Approach

Center yourself

Sit in a quiet place where no one can disturb you for 30-45 minutes you can play some soothing music for 5-10 minutes and then take few deep breaths to normalize the heart beat and get in a rythm and harmony with your being. Once you are at ease imagine yourself to be connected with a huge source of energy (like an ocean of golden light)on the top of your crown chakra (top of head) and imagine roots of light connecting you to mother earth. This is your circuit. Now breathe in through this source of energy and when you breathe out just imagine your body relax and all your subtle bodies(aura) expand. This exercise can be practice anytime to relax do it for 30-45 seconds till you feel at ease.
Identify the block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) that you want to work on

The first step is to identify the block you want to work on this can be identified as a trigger that causes you to breakdown in tough situations. A self sabotaging belief that constantly tells you “You are not….Enough”. A habit or pattern in life which is no more adding value to your life.
Understand the emotion attached to this block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) identified in Step

This step helps you to identify the underlying emotional response of your system this may be accompanied with a discomfort in the physical body like a sensation in the stomach (anxiety) a feeling of block in the back heart, front heart (sadness, fear of being lonely) or anger resentment felt near the solar plexus area.

Once you have experienced the emotion/feeling be with it for sometime so that you are aware of it.

4. Step 4 is where everything begins to change! Meeting your Inner Child

Once you understand the emotion and have been with it for sometime just go down the memory lane and remember the times when you have felt the same. The reason would have been different but feeling and emotions just the same. So for example a feeling of being rejected post a breakup can feel the same painful as when you parents rejected you because they were expecting you to behave in a particular way.This could be the early memories where you picked up the emotional response.

Now picture yourself as a small child and re experience the event and show compassion to this inner child who has had first experience with the feeling and does not like being in this situation. Try to hold this baby self in the same way a mother/parent holds a newborn baby. Picture the image of your pained baby self imagine wrapping him/her in a warm blanket, being held with very loving care closely to your heart, your chest, as you extend it very sincere compassion from your heart center.Just be with this baby self till you feel safe and secure with your own baby self.

5. Taking your Inner Child to a Safe Zone

Once you feel secure and connected with your baby self after the step 4. mentally (or verbally) say to the baby self I that you have grown up and are capable of taking of this inner child within you. There is no need to seek approval , seek love outside instead you are there to nurture your baby self from all that was deprived and ensure that life is going to be all about following your joy. and you promise to care and be with it whenever you feel your inner child is throwing tantrums.

Pranic Healing techniques like cutting the Emotional Cords people and situations helps a great deal in shutting the source of issue. MCKS Forgiveness technique make this process even more effective.

dog-chasing-tail-misery-choice-yours

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice”

courtesy internet

Healing Mind Body n Soul

Jun5

Conscious Parenting Series

Posted on June 5, 2016 by Sargam Mishra

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“The best metric of child poverty may not have to do with income but with how often a child is spoken and read to.”

Amidst our hectic life style and a quest to chase our dreams we sometimes ignore our responsibility as a parent. Having very little time for communicating and playing with our children we find it easy to introduce technical gadgets to our children in their early years. This is the time when they are absorbing everything as a sponge. A child by age 4 will hear nearly a million words and more this is how he she will form their vocabulary and learn to express themselves. So every time you speak to your child you are giving them words and expressions to process which will become the foundation of their behavior.

It is important to raise awareness and my articles and counselling have been a medium. There are so many excuses we can hear and most of them feel it is difficult to keep the children away from the media and technical gadgets. This is actually true because we ourselves have indulged in them and life without TV and social media is impossible. We do not want to miss our favorite serials (daily soaps) or avoid listening to romantic and catchy numbers where lyrics are just not making any sense.

Raising a child is a conscious choice and a 20 year project at the minimum and once you have taken it up it is your duty to deliver it to the best you can. Most of us feel when babies are 0-6 months they do not understand what is happening. Instead the child is learning at a phenomenal rate daily , the brain activity is happening not only when they are awake but also during the REM (Rapid Eye movement) sleep time. They are constantly accessing the environment they are growing up in absorbing energies being emitted from all the people near them. They are sensitive to the oceans of thoughts and emotions in their environment.

Babies are like wet clay they have the potential to be anything but they are dependent on the environment set up by parents and the way we handle them plays a major role in their making.

Samaira with her book