Tag Archives: inner child work

Feb26

Relationship Beyond Transactions

Posted on February 26, 2018 by Sargam Mishra

So we completed an amazing workshop of Enlightened Relationships in the month of Love. Once again as we concluded this workshop I was left with some thoughts on how everyday people create a recipe for dis functional relationships and then we spend our life looking for solutions. One of the biggest issues that I see among couples is their underlying silent contracts based on their transactions in love and manipulation to meet their needs. Before we deep dive let us understand what is a TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP?

A transactional relationship is a relationship where both (or all) parties are in it for themselves, and where partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. This expectation in relationships is underlying not verbally communicated or agreed , it is a kind of one sided contract with a one sided understanding. For example you being with your partner when he or she is unwell silently expecting he will be there with you too when you need him. If this does not happen you feel betrayed, let down. Silently you binded the person in a contract which he/she was not aware.

Anything done to a partner /relationship without unconditional love but in anticipation of reciprocation is like silently creating a one sided contract without mutual agreement.

"TERMS AND CONDITIONS" Tag Cloud (contract legal use button)

Almost all relationships start here. People tend to date a person because of what they get out of it. Doing otherwise would actually be kind of weird. Genuine concern for a partner’s well-being (some might call it “love”) is something that generally grows as the relationship progresses. But some relationships never get past the transactional stage.

The roots of this kind of relationships are sowed early in the childhood where as soon as a child is born the parents start binding the child in several one sided contracts. The child is invisibly attached to the strings where they are suppose to take care of the parent’s expectations to meet the parent’s needs of feeling loved, understood and respected. The child is manipulated to do what the parent’s feel is best for the child. This is often done by using love and acceptance as a tool. So parent’s can cut off the supply of love and acceptance if a child goes against their wishes.

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Since child hood you are told what you need to grow up as, which subjects to choose, what to aspire for so that the parent’s can feel important in the society and most of the times money is spent on you so that they are sure that in old age you are indebted to take care of them. None of this is said this way, I know I sound tooo bad, but somewhere silently we create these silent contracts and feel deeply betrayed when our child decides to marry a girl of their choice. The child chooses a career that he /she is passionate about. The child scores low in college and the list is long.

When this child grows up he /she uses the same tactics to manipulate the partner in love. Because this is what he or she knows about love. The following equations can be seen in a transactional relationship.

Either meet people needs to be indespensable , the people pleaser attitude where a person has extremely low self esteem, low self love and self image and associates their worth from the love and appreciation they receive from their primary caregiver.
The Give in expectation of reciprocation this is a silent contract, a person gives up friends to give more time to the partner, silently expecting the other partner to do so. Pays dinner bills expecting you would do so in return. Gives you gifts so that he receives them too.
Buying love and loyalty by giving gifts or using money , silently binding people in contracts of obligation which they have never agreed to. I will pay for the house bills you take care of my physical needs a silent contract that is seen between couples where one is earning and the other is taking care of the house. Money can also be used to silently ensure the partner is silent to any discomfort /emotional/mental because using money they can shop and take care of their needs.
Not creating boundaries in a relationship so that the other partner also does not have any boundaries.

The birth of a chid is a privilege a gift that the parents need to unwrap by nurturing and raising the child in partnership , to help the expansion of the child and allow it to connect with their own talents and gifts. Instead most of the parents use children as means of achievement in the world. The trophy that they can project when they have to prove their worth.Not realising that when these children grow up they will repeat the same mistakes in relationships creating conditional love and manipulative connections. The subconscious contracts that we create with ourself and our parents become the basis of our intimate relationships. If you were yourself unhappy being in such a conditional parental setup do you think it can work in a love relationship where you have much more flexibility to step out?

Love has been misunderstood greatly in the world , it has been associated with transactions. Less than 5% people are fortunate to experience parenting by parents who were unconditionally giving. There is no doubt why most of the relationships issues happen over these subconscious contracts.

Conscious relationship contracts are still better, when you directly sit and decide on what are the expectations in a relationship and agree mutually on it. This way you clear out any one sided underlying expectations.

Business transactions are such a tedious process because both the parties have to clearly lay down the terms and conditions. If any one of the T&Cs are not acknowledged the party can file a lawsuit. In love relationships we are constantly creating subconscious terms and conditions without even asking the partner to buy in and we feel betrayed and let down in a relationship. Is this even justified? Can this ever guarantee happiness and a lasting relationship?

This can be undone by stopping ourselves from repeating the same patterns and Inner Child Healing is one of the best tools to help you heal.

Life is about BEING FREE from these subconscious contracts which do not serve your highest good. Love because you feel you are in love not because it will beget love. Be aware of your tendencies to manipulate people in order to meet your needs.

Love because it makes you feel amazing, do things that express your passion not because everyone is doing it. Create Relationships that challenge you, make you vulnerable, make you explore your own gifts, push you to your limits of love.

Not because you can manipulate them to get love. It won’t be fulfilling !

Nov17

Healing The Inner Child – Energy Approach

Posted on November 17, 2016 by Sargam Mishra

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“Your children will reflect your own shadows and unhealed inner child. It is important to heal your inner child to live a fulfilling life and raise happy and loving children”

Sargam Mishra

The first 6 years of a child’s life is of utmost significance because they pick up their belief systems from their primary caregivers and by silently observing their environment.So you can say a child develops the psychological blueprint during the initial 6 years of life and it determines the emotional response of the child for the rest of life. The child develops the capabilities of handling life situations and also develops a sense of self during these initial years. The foundation of ‘self confidence, self worth , good self image and emotional well being are all laid during this time. It is said that children do not learn what they are taught instead they learn by observing how the parents deal with their own life and situations. The behavior of the primary caregivers (parents) with the child determines how he or she perceives the world.The relationship with our parents and caretakers and their relationships with each other is the single most important connection a child establishes. This also transforms into their definition of LOVE. This is what they seek out in their intimate relationships once they grow up. Based on these belief they start creating their reality and manifesting people and situations in life.

I am inspired to write this blog specially after the super successful one on one sessions during the 21 Days of Prosperity Healing event with participation from 5 Countries and nearly 15 cities within India it was such a pleasure and privilege to be with a group of 80 amazing people from varied walks of life.

The event has several worth sharing experiences but the most beautiful part of this event was the one to one connect for healing blockages/inner child healing sessions , the healing sessions were conducted over call due to people being in different time zones my calendar was blocked from morning till late evening for one week. This was a 30-45 minute connect which started as an initiative to work on the prosperity blocks but once we connected I got the opportunity to work on various aspects of life where participants gave me permission to work with their baby self and shared the broken parts of their life. It has been one of the most enriching Healing Event of my life and I am so grateful to the participants for sharing their life with me. During the healing sessions I could understand how people were continuously creating same scenarios in their life either in their work life, personal life and intimate relationships mirroring their early upbringing and .

I had earlier written on the same subject as “Parenting Our Emotional Self ” with a beautiful do it yourself practice by Thich Naht Hahn which many of you loved. Please find the link Parenting Our Emotional Self if you want to read it. However as I do more and more healing and grow and evolve myself my understanding of life and techniques of healing also evolve. Here I am describing few of my amazing healing sessions conducted recently. I will be adding this to my offering so feel free to book an appointment and experience the Inner Child Healing.

Inner Child Healing – Book an Appointment

I got the opportunity to use Pranic Healing along with Psychotherapy and Inner Child Healing during these sessions. My first session was with a lady who is a senior healer and spiritual practitioner herself the healing was related with her long term physical problem and she wanted help healing any energy imbalance/block related to it. We started the process and in 30-45 minutes of healing and consultation there was a shift in the pain associated with the problem she was able to feel a connect with her own being and we could identify the root cause of the issue which was related to an unhealed aspect of her past. Her testimonial was beautiful and then I got more requests for doing the one on one sessions. In 6 days I connected with nearly 55 people and use the same methodology and the results were superb.

Another amazing healing was done with a lady who had been subjected to a traumatic childhood experience and was facing the shadows of it in her love relationships. When we started working on the block there was a lot of self worth issues and lack of self confidence once the session started and she was feeling in safe zone we started working on the inner child who was still living the same fear of her abusive childhood and unknowingly due to these fears she was manifesting people and situations that were mirroring more of this shadow aspect. In about 45-50 minutes of healing she could develop a bond with her inner child and understood that as she has abandoned the inner child within her she was experiencing a deep pain and loneliness in life. The pain and loneliness could not be fulfilled from external relationships as it was something she was creating within. I was so touched myself with the healing experience once we completed the healing and started with the affirmations there was so much love flowing from her that even I had tears in my eyes. These were tears of joy from both of us. The session ended with deep gratitude from my end to all the invisible helpers who were helping these healing through me.

Another beautiful session was conducted with a business man who was doing well in his life but wanted to be able to move ahead in life and be more successful financially,.The block he identified was procrastination. We had an interesting discussion around how and why people procrastinate even important decisions in life and then he opened up on his fear of losing money and also the mirroring of the attitude picked up from his primary caregiver (procrastination).He had a fear associated with business and failure as he had seen his father struggle with debt and bankers. The event happened nearly 40 years back but the emotional fear about losing money and the pain associated with it was still residing within him. He himself is a very passionate person but loses spark related to his business matters. Interesting conversations right..how people unconsciously live on borrowed beliefs for years.

Below are few more testimonials from the event and I am also adding the do it yourself technique for doing the inner child work. However when we work with a healer the ealer can results are more profound as the healer can help raise your vibrations quickly and can walk you through the dark areas of your past with ease and non judgement.

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The Inner Child Healing Approach

Center yourself

Sit in a quiet place where no one can disturb you for 30-45 minutes you can play some soothing music for 5-10 minutes and then take few deep breaths to normalize the heart beat and get in a rythm and harmony with your being. Once you are at ease imagine yourself to be connected with a huge source of energy (like an ocean of golden light)on the top of your crown chakra (top of head) and imagine roots of light connecting you to mother earth. This is your circuit. Now breathe in through this source of energy and when you breathe out just imagine your body relax and all your subtle bodies(aura) expand. This exercise can be practice anytime to relax do it for 30-45 seconds till you feel at ease.
Identify the block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) that you want to work on

The first step is to identify the block you want to work on this can be identified as a trigger that causes you to breakdown in tough situations. A self sabotaging belief that constantly tells you “You are not….Enough”. A habit or pattern in life which is no more adding value to your life.
Understand the emotion attached to this block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) identified in Step

This step helps you to identify the underlying emotional response of your system this may be accompanied with a discomfort in the physical body like a sensation in the stomach (anxiety) a feeling of block in the back heart, front heart (sadness, fear of being lonely) or anger resentment felt near the solar plexus area.

Once you have experienced the emotion/feeling be with it for sometime so that you are aware of it.

4. Step 4 is where everything begins to change! Meeting your Inner Child

Once you understand the emotion and have been with it for sometime just go down the memory lane and remember the times when you have felt the same. The reason would have been different but feeling and emotions just the same. So for example a feeling of being rejected post a breakup can feel the same painful as when you parents rejected you because they were expecting you to behave in a particular way.This could be the early memories where you picked up the emotional response.

Now picture yourself as a small child and re experience the event and show compassion to this inner child who has had first experience with the feeling and does not like being in this situation. Try to hold this baby self in the same way a mother/parent holds a newborn baby. Picture the image of your pained baby self imagine wrapping him/her in a warm blanket, being held with very loving care closely to your heart, your chest, as you extend it very sincere compassion from your heart center.Just be with this baby self till you feel safe and secure with your own baby self.

5. Taking your Inner Child to a Safe Zone

Once you feel secure and connected with your baby self after the step 4. mentally (or verbally) say to the baby self I that you have grown up and are capable of taking of this inner child within you. There is no need to seek approval , seek love outside instead you are there to nurture your baby self from all that was deprived and ensure that life is going to be all about following your joy. and you promise to care and be with it whenever you feel your inner child is throwing tantrums.

Pranic Healing techniques like cutting the Emotional Cords people and situations helps a great deal in shutting the source of issue. MCKS Forgiveness technique make this process even more effective.

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“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice”

courtesy internet

Healing Mind Body n Soul

May12

Creating A Splendid Humanity – Conscious Parenting Series

Posted on May 12, 2015 by Sargam Mishra

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Our children are the future face of humanity if we want to see a better world we will have to create it now. no amount of criticism can change the world it is only our investment in our present generation that can bring the Golden Age on Planet Earth. Although this article is written for Mindful Parenting of the new generation this is highly applicable to our own inner children our emotional selves which have been neglected and deprived of love and affection. Our own emotional selves which have been harmed more by not what was done but what was not done to us due to emotional neglect. probably we all can learn how we can start healing our own selves when we are interacting with our own children. A child will help you deal with your own shadow aspect so be open and receptive to the mutual learning.

Children are like soft clay when a baby is in the mother’s womb its energy field are so soft and receptive that it picks up every thought form and emotion that the mother and the surrounding projects. A child although is a child but is a reincarnation it had a definite nature and tendencies in his or her previous lifetime but when the transition happens from physical to different worlds these tendencies become latent. When the child reincarnates it again travel from different worlds (higher mental. lower mental , astral , etheric) to the physical world and carries all the seeds good and bad of the tendencies developed in the previous lifetime.

Now the thought forms which are nothing but packets of energy when are project in the surroundings of the baby it energizes the tendencies within the baby. For example if a parent is highly abusive and angry and if the child in his previous lifetime had similar tendencies they will now be energized. How ever if the parents and mother are extremely loving and appreciative the child will have those tendencies energized. So you can see how the parents and the surroundings of the baby can help in shaping a child’s nature.

The physical body of a child is like plastic readily impressible, his astral and mental vehicles are far more so. They thrill in response to every vibration which they encounter, and are eagerly receptive with regard to all influences, whether good or evil, which emanate from those around them. And they resemble the physical body also in this other characteristic — that though in early youth they are so susceptible and so easily moulded, they very soon set and stiffen and acquire definite habits, which when once firmly established can be altered only with great difficulty.

When the bad tendencies do not get enough energy they are weeded out. When we realize this, we see at once the extreme importance of the surroundings in which a child passes his earliest years, and the heavy responsibility which rests upon every parent to see that the conditions of the child’s development are as good as they can be made.

Think of all the friends whom you know so well, and try to imagine what splendid specimens of humanity they would be if all their good qualities were enormously intensified, and all the less estimable features absolutely weeded out of their characters.

TIPS for Mindful Parenting

1.Strengthen the Good

This is extremely important if we focus on the goodness or good qualities of the child it magnifies. These good qualities will be so dominant that the lower nature or tendencies will not get energy to surface. However if a parent allows himself to cherish feelings of anger or jealousy, of envy or avarice, of selfishness or pride, even though he may never give them outward expression, the vibrations which he thereby causes in his own desire/ astral-body are assuredly acting all the while upon the plastic astral body of his child, tuning its vibrations to the same key, awakening into activity any tendencies of these bad qualities that may have been brought over from his past life, and setting up in him also the same set of bad habits, which when they have once become definitely formed will be exceedingly difficult to correct. And this is exactly what is being done in the case of most of the children whom we see around us.

2.Watch your Own Thoughts

A we understand our thoughts energize the seeds (good tendencies/habits) or weeds (bad tendencies/habits) in a child it is very important for parents to be very watchful of what they think and how they behave. For example if a parent has an anxious and fussy nature — is always fidgeting about trifles, and worrying his children and himself about matters which are really quite unimportant. If he could but observe clairvoyantly the utter unrest and discomfort which he thus produces in his aura, and could further see how these vibrations introduce quite unnecessary agitation and irritation into the susceptible auras of the children, it would no longer be surprised at their occasional outbursts of petulance or nervous excitability, and would realize that in such a case it is often far more to blame than they. What they should contemplate and set before the child as the object, is a restful, unruffled spirit — the peace which passes all understanding — the perfect calm which comes from the confidence that all will at last be well.

It is further obvious that the training of the parents’ character which is necessitated by these considerations is in every respect a splendid one, and that in thus helping on the evolution of their children they also benefit themselves to an extent which is absolutely incalculable, for the thoughts which at first have been summoned by conscious effort for the sake of the child will soon become natural and habitual, and will in time form the background of the parents’ entire life.

3.Responsible Teaching

The influence of a teacher for good or for bad over his pupils is one that cannot readily be measured, and (exactly as before) it depends not only upon what he says or what he does, but even more upon what he thinks.

The children are young minds upon which a teacher’s thoughts and words are reflected they take it up and magnify and strengthen it, and thus it influences others in turn and becomes a tradition handed down from one generation of children to another. If a teacher reflects unwholesome thoughts and actions the tradition becomes unhappy and bad however if love and faith is transmitted a happy and good tradition may be set up almost as easily.

There is only one way in which either parent or teacher can really obtain effective influence over a child and draw out all the best that is in him — and that is by winning his love and confidence. It is true that obedience may be extorted and discipline preserved by inspiring fear, but rules enforced by such a method are kept only so long as he who imposes them (or someone representing him) is present, and are invariably broken when there is no fear of detection; the child keeps them because he must, and not because he wishes to do so.

But if on the other hand, his affection has been invoked, his will at once ranges itself on the side of the rule; he wishes to keep it, because he knows that in breaking it he would cause sorrow to one whom he loves; and if only this feeling be strong enough, it will enable him to rise superior to all temptation, and the rule will be binding no matter who may be present or absent. Thus the object is attained not only much more thoroughly, but also much more easily and pleasantly both for teacher and pupil, and all the best side of the child’s nature is called into activity, instead of all the worst. Instead of rousing the child’s will into sullen and persistent opposition, the teacher arrays it on his own side in the contest against distractions or temptations; and thus results are achieved which could never be approached on the other system.

4. Physical Training and Purity

Physical training of the child is a matter of the greatest importance, and that a strong, pure, healthy body is necessary for the full expression of the developing soul within. We need to teach them from the first the exceeding importance of physical purity, so that they may regard the daily bath just as much an integral part of his life as the daily food. See to it that the body is not abused with meat, alcohol or tobacco; see to it that there is always plenty of sunlight, of fresh air and lots of exercise. So that they grow up pure, healthy and happy.