“Life is all about the choices we make “
I am sure we all have heard it many a times ???So have I but this is a very profound statement. In life when you have made a decision causing sad repercussions and after effects that are beyond our control we end up looking for people and situations to use as a reason.
Let me take an example from a recent case of emotional infidelity between a couple. During a relationship counselling I was speaking to the husband and he was explaining that there is a reason why a spouse cheats on his partner. There is always a reason for taking up any step in life. The thing I really enjoy about counselling is that every person has his own philosophy of life 🙂 They will have their own carefully thought logic to every situation in their life. So according to him a partner should be capable enough to hold the attention of the spouse to ensure the marriage is affair proof. This made the husband feel less guilty because according to him it was just a way to find solace and love in his life which he was missing miserably.
To understand a relationship one has to listen to both the parties as every person has a story to tell from their individual vantage point in life. The woman to not be able to provide the required emotional support in marriage she had her own reasons a list of issues with the husband and his family. While speaking to her , I realized that in life there is nothing as right or wrong it is just a perception. Most of the times couples look life from their own perspective their own likes and dislikes, judgement of each other and they make a choice or decision based on it. Today as each one of us is independent we are capable of making our own choices based on our likes and dislikes. Most of our issues in life are based on the inbuilt mechanism of judgement within us due to social and religious programming.
The social systems train you to create strong likes and dislikes about so many things. When you think you are in love with someone, you exaggerate all the good qualities in them. When you hate someone, you exaggerate all the bad qualities in them or invent some. You – as a person, not as a being – are who you are only because of your likes and dislikes. It is your likes and dislikes that determine your personality and distinguish you as a person.Your likes and dislikes are the basis of the falsehood that you have created in the form of your personality. If you stop clinging to them, your personality will vanish ‒ you will become flexible and wonderful.
At any point of time if we base our life decision on what is right instead of being driven by what I like or dislike the decision becomes a conscious choice. This is a big change in our personality; it will not happen in a day but if we make it a part of our day to day life to choose what is right and not base it on our likes and dislikes we can move towards spontaneous right action. This will also narrow down on the choices as well as the internal confusion on what decision to take at any cross road of life.
May your decisions be based upon what truly matters and works, not upon your likes and dislikes. ~ Sadhguru
So when you are standing on the cross roads of making a vital decision in life You can ask these two simple questions
1. What is the right thing for me to do based on the choice I make?
2. Will it give me and the people around me happiness?
These two small questions can help us in a great way. It helps us to ensure that the decisions that we are taking is not based on our judgement. If all life is made with the same life force then who are we to judge each other based on our own likes and dislikes. Our belief and ideology how a person should be is based on our social and physical conditioning and it is different for each one of us. If we keep imposing our own likes and dislikes over people we are trying to take away their individual unique self and instead trying to make our own clones.
If one makes the right choice, the right things will happen. If one makes the wrong choice, wrong things will happen. It is a very fair and just existence on this planet. If pain, suffering or misery happens to you, it is not time to look around. This is always the problem: If you are miserable, you think somebody else needs to be fixed. No. If you are miserable, what you call as “myself” needs to be fixed, not someone else.
The second question that we ask is will it bring happiness to me and to people around me? Why is it important to think about other’s happiness when the decision is related to me? As a conscious human we understand that the universe works on the “Law of Oneness” even though we want to assume we are alone and can live in a silo this is not how things are in the universe.It is a magnificent creation of God and so everything that we think we are doing to ourself impacts people around us vice versa. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction it is a universal law. It can also be called the “Law of Karma” what I do to others I do to myself.
Life is a gift if each one of us can live life consciously we can create a beautiful world. Today there is immense suffering in the world because each one of us is suffering internally. This internal suffering has to be dealt by doing what is right not for our sake but for the sake of the entire humanity. Each smiling and happy person is contributing to happier planet/world.
Lots of love to all of you
Sargam ♥ ♥