Relationships are nothing but an entanglement where each of us is trying to act as a savior for the other. We do not realize that we ourselves have so much scope of improvement first that everything is secondary. We approach as saviors and end up dominating or being dominated Aliens Vs Predators. Nobody understands that families , friendships and any other relationship is about intimacy and equality and not about domination.
We are in a constant quest to detangle each other 🙂 when we ourselves are completely in a messed up state. Most of us expect others to treat us better, but do you think it is possible for others if we ourselves do not treat us well? Everyone today is so stressed out, they have their own quests their own anger and resentments that do you think they have time to appreciate YOU????
The situation is:
“You treat me this way (not so good) and so I have no choice other than to treat you just the same 🙂 Tit for Tat” ……I am sure you would have also done this to someone? 🙂 I have:) This is what we call entanglement our thoughts, actions and words are so dependent on what people do to us and then we try to make them comfortable by getting into their point of views and get down to a their levels. This is called lowering our own vibrations.
Do you think this in any way makes you happy for long??? Nooooooo as it feels like a compromise so what do you do??
First stand in your own energy field and this happens only when you are completely at ease/relaxed. Raise your own vibrations by being more loving, grateful and compassionate towards yourself and others.
Try to treat others better, something that you wish for yourself try and do for others. Example compliment someone as you would love to be complimented, do it from heart . Gift people, buy flowers, give hugsss, smile…..you can add whatever you want for yourself in this list as well.
Your willingness to treat others better shows how well you treat yourself and when they treat you better improve upon that treatment. This will help you clear your entanglement and will make others realize they are worthy of better too …it is never about you versus others it is always about you Vs yourself
You are just responsible for your expansion, your happiness and your de tanglement once you have mastered it then only you can serve as an example.
Our emotional selves are like children that never ever grow up no matter how ascended(evolved) we are. We all just have to learn to parent ourselves in a way that we have never been parented. It is as simple like this..when a kid gets angry we do not condemn him instead we embrace them this is what we need to do to ourselves when we are angry/miserable.
Anger is just like a red flag that there are unresolved issues that need to be addressed with love and approval within ourselves. This emotion has to be treated by YOU just like a kid who has no one in the room except YOU to help out.
Society has conditioned us in a way that if something is going wrong we should either hide it or push ourselves harder to overcome it but this is worse to go somewhere. How hard can you try with people/situations/relationships where you do not have control? You don’t have to try hard to please them and make it work instead you have to just love and approve for all the fear that you have within.
So try to be a better parent for that emotional kid you have within ..it needs you more than anyone and no one except you can embrace it. No body in the world can love it the way you can. Here is a simple technique by Thich Naht Hahn
It’s extremely simple and can be done anytime, anywhere and in virtually any circumstance.
Seven simple steps to embrace your emotional self:
Whenever you become aware of your negative thoughts and emotions, instead of ignoring them, or disapproving them, identify, acknowledge and honor them.
Become very clear on what is upsetting you. Identify the exact thoughts that are creating the negative emotion. Are they self-judging, bad memories, or anxiety about future events? Aee these causing any dis-ease in the body? Is it insecurity or a fear of the unknown?
Next, identify the specific emotions that arise in you as a result of these negative thoughts. What do they feel like? Is there tightening in your chest? Is your stomach being hurt or is there a throbbing sensation in your head? Try listen to your body.
Once you’ve clearly identified the thought(s) and emotion(s), close your eyes and explore the imagery they subsequently create in your mind (once you’re familiar with the practice, you won’t always need to close your eyes—i.e., if you’re driving, or in public you can still do this.) Do the thoughts and emotions create colors, shapes, figures? Are they abstract or clear? The important thing is to let your thoughts and emotions create the imagery while you simply become aware of what they are.
Breathe. We’re at the half way mark and I’d like to offer you sincere congratulations on completing the first half! Our natural tendency is to suppress these uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, often telling ourselves that we will deal with them later but honestly, that later never comes. Unfortunately for most of us, it never does. So even just by taking the time to become conscious of, and identify these unpleasant thoughts and emotions is a huge step! Let’s not stop there however, because here’s where the really good stuff starts to happen.
This step is where everything begins to change! Once you have the mental images of what your thoughts and emotions look like (and even if there’s no image at all, this practice still works), picture yourself holding the image (or lack thereof) in the same way a mother holds a newborn baby. Picture the image of your painful thought and emotion wrapped in a warm blanket, being held with very loving care closely to your heart, your chest, as you extend it very sincere compassion from your heart center. (You can also use the imagery of wrapping the thought/emotion in a warm blanket and placing it in a baby carriage, and rocking the carriage back and forth.)
Next, mentally (or verbally) say to the image that you know it’s there and you promise to care for and hold it with compassion until it’s ready to go. Do your best to say these words from a very sincere place in your heart.
Through bringing our attention to the image of our painful thoughts and emotions, and tending to it with an open heart, we’re doing the most natural thing we can—expressing love. Instead of ostracize our uncomfortable thoughts and emotions accept and embrace them with love.
The thoughts and emotions will often subside very quickly. Sometimes, however, they aren’t ready to go so fast, and that’s fine. When we initially tell them we’d be with them as long as they need us, we were sincere in that intention. So when the thoughts and emotions bother us, we honor and hold them dearly in our heart for as long as it takes.
I am sure we all have heard it many a times ???So have I but this is a very profound statement. In life when you have made a decision causing sad repercussions and after effects that are beyond our control we end up looking for people and situations to use as a reason.
Let me take an example from a recent case of emotional infidelity between a couple. During a relationship counselling I was speaking to the husband and he was explaining that there is a reason why a spouse cheats on his partner. There is always a reason for taking up any step in life. The thing I really enjoy about counselling is that every person has his own philosophy of life 🙂 They will have their own carefully thought logic to every situation in their life. So according to him a partner should be capable enough to hold the attention of the spouse to ensure the marriage is affair proof. This made the husband feel less guilty because according to him it was just a way to find solace and love in his life which he was missing miserably.
To understand a relationship one has to listen to both the parties as every person has a story to tell from their individual vantage point in life. The woman to not be able to provide the required emotional support in marriage she had her own reasons a list of issues with the husband and his family. While speaking to her , I realized that in life there is nothing as right or wrong it is just a perception. Most of the times couples look life from their own perspective their own likes and dislikes, judgement of each other and they make a choice or decision based on it. Today as each one of us is independent we are capable of making our own choices based on our likes and dislikes. Most of our issues in life are based on the inbuilt mechanism of judgement within us due to social and religious programming.
The social systems train you to create strong likes and dislikes about so many things. When you think you are in love with someone, you exaggerate all the good qualities in them. When you hate someone, you exaggerate all the bad qualities in them or invent some. You – as a person, not as a being – are who you are only because of your likes and dislikes. It is your likes and dislikes that determine your personality and distinguish you as a person.Your likes and dislikes are the basis of the falsehood that you have created in the form of your personality. If you stop clinging to them, your personality will vanish ‒ you will become flexible and wonderful.
At any point of time if we base our life decision on what is right instead of being driven by what I like or dislike the decision becomes a conscious choice. This is a big change in our personality; it will not happen in a day but if we make it a part of our day to day life to choose what is right and not base it on our likes and dislikes we can move towards spontaneous right action. This will also narrow down on the choices as well as the internal confusion on what decision to take at any cross road of life.
May your decisions be based upon what truly matters and works, not upon your likes and dislikes. ~ Sadhguru
So when you are standing on the cross roads of making a vital decision in life You can ask these two simple questions
1.What is the right thing for me to do based on the choice I make?
2. Will it give me and the people around me happiness?
These two small questions can help us in a great way. It helps us to ensure that the decisions that we are taking is not based on our judgement. If all life is made with the same life force then who are we to judge each other based on our own likes and dislikes. Our belief and ideology how a person should be is based on our social and physical conditioning and it is different for each one of us. If we keep imposing our own likes and dislikes over people we are trying to take away their individual unique self and instead trying to make our own clones.
If one makes the right choice, the right things will happen. If one makes the wrong choice, wrong things will happen. It is a very fair and just existence on this planet. If pain, suffering or misery happens to you, it is not time to look around. This is always the problem: If you are miserable, you think somebody else needs to be fixed. No. If you are miserable, what you call as “myself” needs to be fixed, not someone else.
The second question that we ask is will it bring happiness to me and to people around me? Why is it important to think about other’s happiness when the decision is related to me? As a conscious human we understand that the universe works on the “Law of Oneness” even though we want to assume we are alone and can live in a silo this is not how things are in the universe.It is a magnificent creation of God and so everything that we think we are doing to ourself impacts people around us vice versa. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction it is a universal law. It can also be called the “Law of Karma” what I do to others I do to myself.
Life is a gift if each one of us can live life consciously we can create a beautiful world. Today there is immense suffering in the world because each one of us is suffering internally. This internal suffering has to be dealt by doing what is right not for our sake but for the sake of the entire humanity. Each smiling and happy person is contributing to happier planet/world.