Tag Archives: Emotional Pain

Emotional PAIN – Doorway to Inner Alchemy

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Pain the doorway to Inner Alchemy Sargam Mishra

This blog is a part of a conversation with a parent whose child recently went through a break up and was extremely miserable. It is really amazing how thoughts get triggered when I am put in situation 🙂 The approach that was followed by the parent was to provide the child as many self help tips and valuable advise that was available to disconnect him from the PAIN but finally there was nothing that was actually working for him. The reason that I feel that self help gyan, spirituality etc does not work at this time is because it means we are somewhere we are not suppose to be.

I was just thinking if we keep reinforcing that the situation due to which a person is in PAIN is something that in first place should not happen and if it has happened one needs to be out of it asap or run from it. This can create a feeling of shame or failure in the child/person. Instead if we can follow the approach that it is just OKAY to go through a situation in life to learn as we are not born with experience instead we gather it on our life journey, this becomes a more positive situation for the child/person.

It takes 3 seconds flat to come to this life and realize PAIN is part of our life. But it takes an entire life to accept the reality that YES PAIN is a part of our life and it is OKAY…….Stop running away from facing the reality that yes life will be painful whenever we will fall out of a relationship, or when we will lose our loved ones …my first encounter with PAIN I mean the really brutal encounter was when I lost my mother..as a child I was really afraid to grow up thinking that if I grew up my parents and dear relatives will grow old and I will have to see them die. That thought used to freeze me when I was only 6 yrs old….I used to sit in rooms and mull over it but I never told this to anyone.

When the day I lost my mother I had no idea that the real pain would be far greater than I had imagined. My father is a strong man and he never made himself vulnerable in front of anyone during this loss and so I decided I will not cry and just accept the pain as with the loss. I saw many of my relatives howling and crying but I stayed calm and dissociated myself with the fact that she is gone.

So basically I became numb to the PAIN and moved away when I felt emotionally battered I shifted my focus to studies or be with friends etc. But at one point I felt I am cheating my self as I could not just be all right or pretend I was all right when I was not . I had a tough time accepting that it is all right to be with this PAIN and respect the pain and live it …. I will never complain or make it a reason of my suffering instead will respect this parting away. The pain made me super sensitive to people and their pain and suffering. Healing and consultation needs a lot of empathy, landing into a healing profession and being able to share myself with people in similar situations is a result of knowing and being friendly with the PAIN.

I have realized that PAIN is not a curse or the materialization of our BAD KARMA the way we are told. However it is an opportunity to be present with our self , to be present with our emotions. This is the reason why Buddhism teachings revolve around suffering and PAIN. As children we are always told people who suffer in life are those who have done bad deeds so they have to suffer to neutralize the Karma. Instead the truth is if you use the PAIN to your advantage one can create a whole new meaning of life. The suffering is a result of not being able to to use the pain to our advantage instead trying to run away from it or hide. When we see pain as a deviation from the normal it becomes unacceptable or something that should be avoided so if you are in pain divert your mind, join a dance class, watch a movie or get drunk.

I am sure many of us have tried these escapes but what happens ?? The next time it come in as a more stronger wave of emotion. What if I told you PAIN is good , it is alright perfectly alright to have a failed relationship, it is alright to be hopeless and miserable. When we try things in life there are fair chances to be successful or fail. This is perfectly normal. That is how we learn , somethings are not meant for us …if we all got 100 percent in all our subjects we will never know what we are really really good at.

Our dear President APJ Abdul Kalam wanted to be an Air Force pilot however failed in his exam here is an excerpt from his writing:

I still remember the ache in my heart as I attempted to make sense of what had happened. When a dearly held desire begins to break up, one can feel nothing but despair and emptiness as one tries to come to terms with the end of a dream. I could not bear to be indoors after seeing the result. I had to go out for air and be in the open, because all around me the walls seemed to close in. I walked around for a while till I reached the edge of a cliff. I stood there looking down at the shimmering waters of a lake and wondered what I should do next. Plans needed to be changed and priorities reassessed. I decided to go to Rishikesh for a few days and seek a new way forward.

I was granted an audience with Swami Sivananda himself. My being a Muslim did not affect him in any way. Instead, before I could speak, he asked what had filled me with sorrow. I only fleetingly wondered how he knew about my sadness before I embarked on any explanation of the recent developments in my life. He listened calmly and then washed away my anxieties with a smile of deep peacefulness. His next words were some of the most profound I had ever heard. His feeble yet deep voice still resonates when I think of them: “Accept your destiny and go ahead with your life. You are not destined to become an air force pilot. What you are destined to become is not revealed now but it is predetermined. Forget this failure, as it was essential to lead you to your destined path. Search, instead, for the true purpose of your existence.”

We need no clue as to what happened to this gentleman post his failure 🙂 but at that point in life it was a dream crashing down.He could have mulled over it for life , committed a suicide, got drunk or what ever you can imagine 🙂

In the scheme of larger things there are no mistakes and no coincidences. You are where you are suppose to be at this very moment. Mistakes in life help you to find your way when you are lost. Getting lost is not a crime we were not born with an inbuilt GPS system 😛 right?

A beautiful video clip: It is Perfectly Normal to make mistakes in life, our parents , society, friends have to be compassionate and acceptable to the idea of failure and pain.We will have to change the way we have been looking at people and situations. Today’s generation is taking more risks , trying out more than our previous generations and hence they have more to learn and explore and this can only happen when we learn to fail and accept the pain that follows it.

There are no MISTAKES in life !! I repeat no mistakes it is just how the source brings you back to your life path….so stop grinning ,complaining, cursing instead ask your self what is the next right move… that is it …stop thinking about how big the situation is …you just need that next right move…..

TIPS to Deal with Pain:

1. Be Vulnerable – Allow yourself to be exposed to being ok in asking for help or sharing your story with people. do not shut your self. Most of the time we tell people we are self sufficient and can survive well by meeting our own needs. This is actually a common lie we tell ourselves often because we hesitate to fulfill that need by asking anyone for it as it makes us vulnerable and prone to be rejected or hurt.
However it is empowering to know that we can create people and situations to show up in our reality through manifestation. So we can manifest people having complimentary needs thereby leading to a more fulfilling life.

2.Instead of Looking at your whole life focus on the next right move – Most of us when fail in life we start fearing the uncertainities of life. We want to know what will happen to me 2yrs post a divorce, will I get the right partner, will I be having financial security etc etc. This thought process takes up the strength to move ahead in life.

Instead when we are in a lot of mess the only question we should think about is the next right move and then follow it with next right move and so on. Future is created every moment by moving in the right direction. So just follow your joy. Live an hour better and then the next and it will make up a beautiful day.

3.Create your ME Time – We are living in an ocean of thought forms sometime what we think is a result of what my next door neighbor is projecting in his thoughts. It is very important to distinguish your thoughts from the borrowed thought form of your environment. So take some time out to meditate to be able to connect your self to know what should be your life like.

4. Self Love – This is my favorite remember you cannot love anyone if you do not love yourself. Make your feelings , your life a priority till you get comfortable living it every day. A happy person can only create happiness around himself/herself.

5. Do Service – Do random acts of kindness and create difference in life of others it brings immense amount of joy and we also realize that life is a gift which  should be used well.

Sargam is an experienced Relationship Counsellor and uses energy healing techniques for guidance and healing of emotional issues. She also runs a 21 Day Relationship Healing event with more than 2500 participants online. If you need guidance fix up a skype session, mail your question or fix up a telephonic session, take prior appointment on healingmindbodynsoul@gmail.com

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PAIN a Symptom or A Cause??

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Pain your own Shadow Aspect_Sargam
This article is an outcome from a latest conversation within my fellow healers. With every article my own understanding of a subject become deeper , I hope you will like and benefit from it too.
Pain is associated with suffering either physical or emotional and as A healer and practitioner of alternative healing techniques this is the most common word I keep hearing from patients. I am in PAIN, I fell down got hurt or I have so and so disease and I am in PAIN, or I was emotionally hurt and I am in PAIN.  So we see PAIN can be either physical or emotional :).  In this article we explore Are Both These PAIN Different ?? Is Physical Pain a Symptom of an Emotional Pain??
In this article I will follow the course of the conversation that we were having and then delve deeper into the spiritual understanding of Pain at a deeper level along with How we can use this PAIN to our benefit. 🙂

The picture below is a Chinese phrase famous in medicine ,meaning, “If there is free flow, then there is no pain; if there is pain, then there is no free flow” (Tong zhi bu tong; bu tong zhi tong). Interestingly this phrase has a far deeper meaning 🙂 we will explore.

Chinese Saying On Pain

Tong zhi bu tong; bu tong zhi tong – Chinese Saying

 Normal physiology says that Qi, or energy, flows through the Meridians the way that blood flows through blood vessels, and these Meridians traverse the entire body to allow Qi to nourish, warm, and activate the various body muscles, tissues, and organs. When that flow is impeded in some way, Qi and blood stagnate in the Meridian, and the body experiences pain along that Meridian – either locally or farther down the stream. This is way bruises are painful; they are essentially stuck blood (and Qi).
What causes stagnation in the Meridians? For most pain cases it’s trauma or injury, and this could include things like surgery or overuse. Cold can also cause stagnation. Think of a creek freezing solid in the winter. That’s why we typically don’t recommend icing a strained muscle. Things like stress and emotional constraint also contribute to pain, so have a glass of wine and relax once in a while!
Interestingly in the school of energy we understand that we have an etheric body or a the energy double that is also called Aura or bio plasmic field of our body. This body has one to one mapping to our physical body and it has its own energy meridians controlled by energy centers called Chakras. These energy channels or Chakras help distribute prana throughout the energy body and into our physical body. If the meridians in the energy body are clean then the physical body follows the same.
The energy body is fed by our thoughts and emotions and hence every physical ailment is related to our emotional wellbeing. There’s no denying that our emotional pains are felt in physical discomfort.Our bodies respond to the pain of our hearts and racing mind. We carry the stress of our lives, literally, on our backs. We get tension when we’re going through stress and have trouble breathing in times of despair and heartache.
“Emotions and experiences are essentially energy and they can be stored in the cellular memory of our bodies.”
The Chart above illustrates the emotions that can cause Pain in the Physical body

Interestingly most of the times we see PAIN as a Symptom of a physical ailments like, gall stone pain, angina pain, migraine,joint pain , Sciatica and many more 🙂

What Are the Symptoms of Pain?

The symptoms of chronic pain include:

  • Mild to severe pain that does not go away
  • Pain that may be described as shooting, burning, aching, or electrical
  • Feeling of discomfort, soreness, tightness, or stiffness

Pain is not a symptom that exists alone. Other problems associated with pain can include:

  • Fatigue
  • Sleeplessness
  • Withdrawal from activity and increased need to rest
  • Weakened immune system
  • Changes in mood including hopelessness, fear, depression, irritability, anxiety, and stress
  • Disability

The Emotional Pain and our PAIN BODY

This is only the physical part to pain however being emotional beings we are greatly affected by emotional disturbances within and around us.The feeling and experience of Pain (emotional /physical) is something that is there with us since our birth. Past experiences of painful events reside within us. The accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it surfaces and leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a “painbody,” an energy entity consisting of old emotional patterns.

This negative emotional body is part of us and when it gets a trigger during times of rejection, break ups, cheating, abandonment,this pain body feels an amplified by the emotion and at times we behave under the influence of this living entity.At that moment, when it does take over your mind, the internal dialogue, which is dysfunctional at the best of times, now becomes the voice of the painbody talking to you internally. Everything it says is deeply colored by the old, painful emotion of the painbody. Every interpretation, everything it says, every judgment about your life, about other people, about a situation you are in, will be totally distorted by the old emotional pain.

If you are not there as the space for it, you are identified with the painbody and you believe every negative thought that it is telling you. If you are alone, the painbody will feed on every negative thought that arises, and get more energy. That’s why it’s become active — after it does that for a while, you can’t stop thinking, at night, or whenever it is. The painbody is feeding, and after a few hours, it’s had enough. You feel a little depleted. And then it happens again a few weeks later, or few days later.

The painbody loves to feed on actions and reactions and drama is one of the favorite food for it. 🙂 The cornerstone of emotional toxicity is the Pain Body, which prevents you from experiencing peace and connection at an emotional and spiritual level as well as vitality and health at a physical and cellular level. Intersting Pain in this context become the CAUSE.

The Pain Body can be seen as its own energy field within the Cellular Memory whose prime directive is the accumulation and generation of pain in your life. Whether disease, dysfunction, imbalance or lack of peace occurs at any level, you can be sure that the Pain Body is playing a very active role in feeding its existence. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, calls the cumulative layers of negative emotions the “Pain-Body” and refers to it as an entity. He says:

“There are two levels of pain: the pain that you create now, and the pain of the past that still lives on in your mind and body. This of course includes the pain that you suffer as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born. The accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look at it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth – It’s the emotional Pain-Body.”

The cells in which past physical or emotional trauma is stored, operate in a survival pattern based on something that is no longer real or current for anyone but the person maintaining the pattern. When an unresolved issue or trauma impedes the flow of energy in the body-mind system, stagnation is created in a particular part of the body, often the organ, joint or muscle most associated with the trauma. We know further that areas of stagnant energy contain negative e-motional charge, dirty energy or diseased energy. A simple example: You hurt your ankle while running because you are late to your office. You feel very upset for that. You get angry at yourself for not paying more attention when walking and you may blame yourself by saying things like, “Stupid, you never pay enough attention!” “You are going to be late and your boss will be upset with you”. By now, your body is not only feeling the physical trauma in the form of real pain, but you are adding self-condemnation, anger, guilt, fear and unforgiveness. This process may go on and on.

I have been reading and understanding PAIN through my patients and also through my personal experiences but in the end the realization is that whether PAIN is a CAUSE or a SYMPTOM it does not arise from outside; instead it highlights our own internal weaknesses. There is a famous proverb “NO PAIN , NO GAIN” which I used to always consider in a literal way but today it makes more sense as Pain is actually an instrument for the Soul which if used with awareness and mindfulness can be used for soul mastery.

An excerpt from the lecture from the great Theosophist Annie Besant (From the book PAIN and meaning and use)

“And another use of pain, a more inner lesson now: for we have reached the point where the Soul has distinguished himself from the body of desire and even from the mind itself. And still he has not got outside the reach of pain, for he has not yet quite found his centre, he is only seeking it still; and although he knows that he is not the body, nor the sense?, nor the mind, he still finds himself susceptible of pain that comes from within, of contacts that translate themselves as pain. And coming into contact with others —-with the thoughts and the feelings and the judgment of others—’he constantly finds himself pained by mis-judgments and mistranslations, by unkind thoughts and unkind feelings; and if the Soul has by this time gained wisdom, as he must have done if he has followed the path along which we have been tracing him, then he will begin to ask himself: Why do I still feel pain? What is there, not in the outside, but in me that gives rise to pain? For he has now passed beyond the ignorance which makes this outer thing appear as the inflicter of pain, and he relates to himself the element that causes pain, and realizes that nothing can touch him save himself, which is in truth responsible for all.

 So in Truth Pain whether it is a Cause or a Symptom has its own significance in our life either we can heal our self on a superficial level of the pain or we can deep dive and use it for our eternal spiritual growth.

HOW to Benefit from PAIN 🙂

1.Physical Pain is the manifestation of an emotional cause: It is always wise to introspect on the emotional cause for the physical pain instead of working on the symptom understand the emotional cause and work on it.

2.Understand your Pain Body: When in situation of negative self talk, mulling, anger and resentment just detach from the emotion and try to check if you are looking for more drama to fuel the pain body. If Yes then this is a danger ,alarm for introspection.

3. Meditation /Mindfulness: When the pain body engulfs you or you understand it is trying to take over it is best to go a step back and try to see the situation with awareness. The Pain created by your pain body , the drama expected by it to feed itself . Learn a meditation technique or simply sit quietly and revisit the situation in awareness understanding the side effects or the outcome of feeding the pain body.

4.Cut Cords: Cutting cord with people and situations that trigger your pain body is very useful as it stops the emotional drain from one to the other

5.Shadow Work: Use situations of Pain as an Opportunity for Improvement: It is hard to hear but learning through Pain is much more faster and hence Pain can be used for understanding our inner weakness to increase our tolerance, to learn forgiveness and to grow emotionally.

A useful point to remember is that pain is a protective factor. It warns of danger. It makes one aware of the need to remove a pain-producing potential, such as flame, or scalding water. If it were not for pain, the commonplace dangers of daily life could do irreparable harm to the physical body before the owner was aware of what was happening. And it is this beneficent work of pain that makes one aware of disease in the organism, and so leads to a cure being effected before it is too late.

Pain appears to be basically the result of lack of harmony in some area of man’s total make-up. It could be disharmony between

1. the soul and its vehicles (or between the form and the indwelling Life),
2. different elements of the personality equipment, e.g. mind in conflict with emotions,
3. the components of the physical body—maladjustment in organs or cells: blockages in the flow of the life-giving blood.

So instead of complaining about Pain try to listen what the Pain is telling you.

Lots of Love Sargam