Tag Archives: Teal Swan

Creating Healthy Boundaries In Relationships

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Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.  – Brené Brown

 

Sargam Mishra boundaries in relationships

This is going to be interesting 🙂 possibly the people pleasers might feel a bit offended but the reason why I am writing this blog is help all of you connect with your personal truth. Boundaries sound like a resistance in relationships but as a relationship consultant and energy healer I have learned how important it is to define our boundaries for personal happiness and growth.

Boundaries differentiate you as a person from others because of your uniqueness as an individual. Your individuality is your personal truth , your identity which defines your like, dislikes , preferences and create a sense of self. So today Sargam is different from ABC not only because of the way she looks but also because of her individuality…same applies to you.

However as soon as you get in a relationship specially love relationships you try to fit in to the expectations of your self. Expectations of your family, society, friends and the list is quite long……You do this to feel valued , to be loved, to be accepted and you easily cross your own physical, emotional, mental and spiritual boundaries in order to be accepted as a good wife, daughter in law, mother….

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So for example 1st day of the marriage  and you are expected to dress a certain way and sit among relatives when you are dying to catch some sleep. You compromise on your emotional boundaries and give in to the expectations….then the next some more….a week later some more compromises and then after 10 years of marriage you realise that you are UNHAPPY some of us are  Totally burned out  and just want to give up pretending any more and they do but then there are some who accept this way of life and continue to pretend all is good.

I get to talk to both kind of people the one who have given up on a relationship because it was too much of pain and hurt and violation of personal boundaries and also those who continue in the sad marriage and need to reconnect with their personal boundaries to find happiness, self love in life.

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Most of the relationship problem happen because we are not conditioned to speak about our personal boundaries , our likes , dislikes , emotional needs, physical desires, aspirations…. instead we want people to either guess them for us or we expect that they will also sacrifice their likes , dislikes, emotional needs , physical desires for us… you must have heard the C word COMPROMISE in relationships.  This is what some of your elders would have told you time and again just give yourself for love, marriage , your partner …. but trust me it does not work for long. This is one of the major reasons of a physical condition arthritis in men and women , the suppressed emotions locks up their joints. With pent up solar plexus and small heart chakra (the major energy centres in human anatomy) , diabetes, blood pressure, heart disease become the expression of the pain and suffering you have accumulated by being numb to your own emotions.

Relationships should never survive on pulling people out of their personal boundaries

You do not have good personal boundaries if :

  1. You are unable to say NO
  2. You feel Guilty after doing something
  3. When you feel you are acting against your integrity
  4. You are unable to communicate how you feel
  5. You are unable to check people if they violate your personal boundaries
  6. Emotionally you feel unhappy

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If you have been constantly engaging in the above behaviour you have personally violated your own personal boundaries. This is a sign of lack of self love and though I have been blowing the horn of self love in all my workshops it is very important to understand it.

YOU CANNOT GIVE OTHERS WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE

So if feel you can love others when you are constantly out of alignment with your joy, happiness, purpose in life .. you are telling a lie to yourself. If you think you can love people when you do not love your self ….. you can never be in a healthy , happy , nurturing relationship. You cannot pour from an empty cup my friend

Love is about filling your cup and then overflowing to fill others.I know it sounds harsh but this is the TRUTH.

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To be able to enjoy your life, to be able to live an extraordinary intense life.. you need to connect with your internal GPS you have to connect with your emotions and feelings. You have to be aligned with your personal truth. Only you can know your boundaries as no one else can feel on your behalf.  No one can also teach you about creating personal boundaries.

Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom

How Do I Create My Personal Boundaries?

  1. It is a simple exercise but you will have to practise it every day to be able to discover your personal boundaries. Create a journal about things you really love and  things that upset you try to derive your boundaries based on it.
  2. Sit comfortably and as you reflect on your day identify the situations where you did not feel happy. Then ask yourself what was upsetting about the situation , write it down and then ask yourself what is the boundary that was violated? make a note of it. So for example somebody in office made a lewd remark and it was uncomfortable but others just laughed and moved on with their work. Just understand why were you hurt with this situation and what can you do to feel better. May be you feel you can tell the person it was not comfortable or may be just not participate in such gatherings. It is upto you.
  3. Practise honouring your feeling and emotions and communicate them with love and kindness
  4. Be conscious about how you feel in different situations to understand your own needs and desires
  5. Make Self love a conscious choice you can read my blog on Self Love
  6. Practise being Authentic, do not fake your emotions and feeling once you get in this trap of faking there is no escape

Boundaries are created to create more loving and meaningful relationships do not use them to resist people and situation because resistance is an out of alignment behaviour.

Also remember your boundaries will evolve with time so be flexible based on your relationships and your own self ascension. When you will become more and more in tune and aware of your boundaries you will start honouring the boundaries of others because you will understand how valuable it is to maintain healthy boundaries. So you may start  out by feeling separate in the beginning but gradually you will understand that the ego evolves but discovering self happiness, self joy and self love and then it becomes appreciative as it understands everything is actually an expression of the source and hence is able to appreciate the oneness aspect.

If you like the blog post a comment and leave your email I will share my new Opening the Heart Centre Visualisation with you – Anahata Blossom

So as a mother my boundaries have expanded to include my child’s happiness but this is in alignment with my happiness. This is a mutual win win in any relationship. Allowing children to define their boundaries is one of the most empowering gift you can give them. So stop invalidating their fears, their insecurities instead hear them out and tell them you understand.

Samaira evaluating my notes on today’s blog 🙂

Love and Light

Sargam

 

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Healing The Inner Child – Energy Approach

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sargam-and-samaira

“Your children will reflect your own shadows and unhealed inner child. It is important to heal your inner child to live a fulfilling life and raise happy and loving children”

Sargam Mishra

The first 6 years of a child’s life is of utmost significance because they pick up their belief systems from their primary caregivers and by silently observing their environment.So you can say a child develops the psychological blueprint during the initial 6 years of life and it determines the emotional response of the child for the rest of life. The child develops the capabilities of handling life situations and also develops a sense of self during these initial years. The foundation of ‘self confidence, self worth , good self image and emotional well being are all laid during this time. It is said that children do not learn what they are taught instead they learn by observing how the parents deal with their own life and situations. The behavior of the primary caregivers (parents) with the child determines how he or she perceives the world.The relationship with our parents and caretakers  and their relationships with each other is the single most important connection a child establishes. This also transforms into their definition of LOVE. This is what they seek out in their intimate relationships once they grow up. Based on these belief they start creating their reality and manifesting people and situations in life.

I am inspired to write this blog specially after  the super successful one on one sessions during the 21 Days of Prosperity Healing event with participation from 5 Countries and nearly 15 cities within India it was such a pleasure and privilege to be with a group of 80 amazing people from varied walks of life.

The event has several worth sharing experiences but the most beautiful part of this event was the one to one connect for healing blockages/inner child healing sessions , the healing sessions were conducted over call due to people being in different time zones my calendar was blocked from morning till late evening for one week. This was a 30-45 minute connect which started as an initiative to work on the prosperity blocks but once we connected I got the opportunity to work on various aspects of life  where participants gave me permission to work with their baby self and shared the broken parts of their life. It has been one of the most enriching Healing Event of my life and I am so grateful to the participants for sharing their life with me. During the healing sessions I could understand how people were continuously creating same scenarios in their life either in their work life, personal life and intimate relationships mirroring their early upbringing and .

I had earlier written on the same subject as “Parenting Our Emotional Self ” with a beautiful do it yourself practice by Thich Naht Hahn which many of you loved. Please find the link Parenting Our Emotional Self if you want to read it. However as I do more and more healing and grow and evolve myself my understanding of life and techniques of healing also evolve. Here I am describing few of my amazing healing sessions conducted recently. I will be adding this to my offering so feel free to book an appointment and experience the Inner Child Healing.

Inner Child Healing – Book an Appointment

I got the opportunity to use Pranic Healing along with Psychotherapy and Inner Child Healing during these sessions. My first session was with a lady who is a senior healer and spiritual practitioner herself the healing was related with her long term physical problem and she wanted help healing any energy imbalance/block related to it. We started the process and in 30-45 minutes of healing and consultation there was a shift in the pain associated with the problem she was able to feel a connect with her own being and we could identify the root cause of the issue which was related to an unhealed aspect of her past. Her testimonial was beautiful and then I got more requests for doing the one on one sessions. In 6 days I connected with nearly 55 people and use the same methodology and the results were superb.

Another amazing healing was done with a lady who had been subjected to a traumatic childhood experience and was facing the shadows of it in her love relationships. When we started working on the block there was a lot of self worth issues and lack of self confidence once the session started and she was feeling in safe zone we started working on the inner child who was still living the same fear of her abusive childhood and unknowingly due to these fears she was manifesting people and situations that were mirroring more of this shadow aspect. In about 45-50 minutes of healing she could develop a bond with her inner child and understood that as she has abandoned the inner child within her she was experiencing a deep pain and loneliness in life. The pain and loneliness could not be fulfilled from external relationships as it was something she was creating within. I was so touched myself with the healing experience once we completed the healing and started with the affirmations there was so much love flowing from her that even I had tears in my eyes. These were tears of joy from both of us. The session ended with deep gratitude from my end to all the invisible helpers who were helping these healing through me.

Another beautiful session was conducted with a business man who was doing well in his life but wanted to be able to move ahead in life and be more successful financially,.The block he identified was procrastination. We had an interesting discussion around how and why people procrastinate even important decisions in life and then he opened up on his fear of losing money and also the mirroring of the attitude picked up from his primary caregiver (procrastination).He had a fear associated with business and failure as he had seen his father struggle with debt and bankers. The event happened nearly 40 years back but the emotional fear about losing money and the pain associated with it was still residing within him. He himself is a very passionate person but loses spark related to his business matters. Interesting conversations right..how people unconsciously live on borrowed beliefs for years.

Below are few more testimonials from the event and I am also adding the do it yourself technique for doing the inner child work. However when we work with a healer the ealer can results are more profound as the healer can help raise your vibrations quickly and can walk you through the dark areas of your past with ease and non judgement.

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The Inner Child Healing Approach

  1. Center yourself

    Sit in a quiet place where no one can disturb you for 30-45 minutes you can play some soothing music for 5-10 minutes and then take few deep breaths to normalize the heart beat and get in a rythm and harmony with your being. Once you are at ease imagine yourself to be connected with a huge source of energy (like an ocean of golden light)on the top of your crown chakra (top of head) and imagine roots of light connecting you to mother earth. This is your circuit. Now breathe in through this source of energy and when you breathe out just imagine your body relax and all your subtle bodies(aura) expand. This exercise can be practice anytime to relax do it for 30-45 seconds till you feel at ease.

  2. Identify the block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) that you want to work on

    The first step is to identify the block you want to work on this can be identified as a trigger that causes you to breakdown in tough situations. A self sabotaging belief that constantly tells you “You are not….Enough”. A habit or pattern in life which is no more adding value to your life.

  3. Understand the emotion attached to this block (habit/pattern/psychological issue) identified in Step

This step helps you to identify the underlying emotional response of your system this may be accompanied with a discomfort in the physical body like a sensation in the stomach (anxiety) a feeling of block in the back heart, front heart (sadness, fear of being lonely) or anger resentment felt near the solar plexus area.

Once you have experienced the emotion/feeling be with it for sometime so that you are aware of it.

    4. Step 4 is where everything begins to change! Meeting your Inner Child 

Once you understand the emotion and have been with it for sometime just go down the memory lane and remember the times when you have felt the same. The reason would have been different but feeling and emotions just the same. So for example a feeling of being rejected post a breakup can feel the same painful as when you parents rejected you because they were expecting you to behave in a particular way.This could be the early memories where you picked up the emotional response.

Now picture yourself as a small child and re experience the event and show compassion to this inner child who has had first experience with the feeling and does not like being in this situation. Try to hold this baby self in the same way a mother/parent holds a newborn baby. Picture the image of your pained baby self imagine wrapping him/her in a warm blanket, being held with very loving care closely to your heart, your chest, as you extend it very sincere compassion from your heart center.Just be with this baby self till you feel safe and secure with your own baby self.

5. Taking your Inner Child to a Safe Zone

Once you feel secure and connected with your baby self  after the step 4. mentally (or verbally) say to the baby self I that you have grown up and are capable of taking of this inner child within you. There is no need to seek approval , seek love outside instead you are there to nurture your baby self from all that was deprived and ensure that life is going to be all about following your joy. and you promise to care and be with it whenever you feel your inner child is throwing tantrums.

Pranic Healing techniques like cutting the Emotional Cords people and situations helps a great deal in shutting the source of issue. MCKS Forgiveness technique make this process even more effective.

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“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice”

courtesy internet

Relationship Vows and Woes (Promiscuity/Infidelity Vs Committed Relationship)

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Relationship Vows and Woes Sargam Mishra
Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by in a relationship. People who had vowed to be together or were committed to be in a relationship for a lifetime are seen thinking or acting out on exploring options in life. I have been wondering over this for years as I myself have been in a long committed relationship for nearly 15 years now and completing my 8th year of marriage. Trust me it was never easy as we both evolved through our relationship and walked our own life paths. Life brought up different situations and lessons to be handled from shades of greys to white. In today’s world 15 years with a single person does seem a long time :). With my own sweet and sour experience of this one relationship I end up being a Relationship Counsellor and Healer . Now the situation is nearly every day I am either observing or participating in relationship set ups and philosophies of my friends and clients.

I still have my moments of doubts on what is right or what is wrong ? Many a times I have noticed that it is hard to counsel people as they have such justifications for all the mess in their life due to relationships.Many of my friends/clients are still single even after being in several relationships one after the other , while some are married but have their own philosophies on marriage and promiscuity/emotional affairs etc. Still there are these lifetime vows that a couple takes during the marriage ceremonies ..till death do us apart and ends up breaking them sometimes within few months.

Today, we are living in a culture where it is not necessary that we have lived with one partner all our life. Things have changed over the time. A partner comes with an expiry date. When one gets in a relationship we think it is going to last forever, but within three months we start questioning our decision and think, “Oh, why the hell am I with this person?”

24 by 7 relationships are under scrutiny, they are being judged based on what you like about the relationship /partner and what you dislike.This constant evaluation restricts us from experiencing the person as he or she is. Instead we are always in the mode of analyzing how he or she could be better by suiting our requirements (Likes and Dislikes). Because of this, it is always off and on, off and on. When a relationship goes through so much internal scrutiny it cannot last long. This gives rise to promiscuity, adultery, emotional affairs and multiple partners causing enormous pain and suffering, which is totally unnecessary. I was in Greece when my husband was sharing that even in Greek culture people marry for having good quality kids so the parents look for the best match. In the Hindu system till date we have arrange marriages based on horoscope matching , however it is changing gradually. From love marriages being arranged to acceptance of love marriages and now even live in setup we are gradually accepting the changes. So we are catching up with the West 🙂

I have met several people in situations during counselling sessions and in my personal life where I was face to face with the question as to why should one limit one self to a long and boring monogamous relationship when one can have sex or be emotionally attached with multiple partners, a few nights here, a few weeks there, over and over again? We see others having a great time in such a set up and some just blame it all on God 🙂 if it was not suppose to be it would not have been.

Now if we can understand God and the humongous responsibility of billions of people on Earth and then several others on other planets and who knows many galaxies. He must be too busy to schedule and plan multiple relationships in your life. I am sure he has better things to do. So this is something you are creating based on your choice which is driven by your needs and your character (evolved over a period of time). In Spiritual world the sex energy is the source of all creation, it helps in awakening Kundalini and is a gateway to yoga of highest kind.However considering the slow evolution of the human being it was used and abused to satisfy the lower nature (animal instincts) of human being. Now if we understand energy anytime you interact closely with any person you experience entanglement of your energy. If you do this exercise of falling in and out of love too often, if you go on playing around with too many people, after some time you will become numb, you do not like anybody because your emotions and the response of your body to these emotions is numb.

Remember how easy it is to remember an exclusive experience? Your first kiss or your first date but when you are with several people then your mind will be constantly comparing all the experiences. This subtle energy entanglement or entanglement of physical, emotional and mental bodies is called Runanubandha or entanglement.

Recently I met a lady (50 years old) married having a 21 year old kid she had undergone a surgery,  a major surgery and she was confiding how she was having the memories of the beautiful time spent with her boyfriend before marriage. She was feeling extremely guilty as she could not understand why were these thoughts haunting her after more than 30 years of her marriage. She approached me to help her come out of this guilt and help erase these feelings from her energy body using healing. As a Pranic Healer it was an interesting assignment for me but again it made me think how every cell in our body is designed to store memory. A single cell knows where it has to be placed in the body ; it knows whether it will grow as a tooth or a an organ or help build the bone. This was phenomenal aha moment for me. So if like me you thought the brain is the mind it is not. Brain is just a part of the body. Mind is a combination of memory and intelligence.The body has far more memory than the brain and this is the basis of genetics. Your body still actively remembers what happened a million years ago. Genetics is just memory. So today if my eyes look like my great grand mom this is because of the memory stored within my genes in the body. In Indian culture, this physical memory is called runanu bandha. It is our memory that binds us to things around us.

An interesting video by Sadhguru on Mind

An interesting example is given by Sadhguru

“Suppose you went home and you forgot who your father and mother are, what would you do? It is not the blood or the love, it is the memory that tells you this person is your mother or father. It is only memory that breeds relationship and bondage. If you lose your memory, anyone will look like an absolute stranger to you.”

When people have sex with each other, the mind may forget it, but the body will never forget. If you get a divorce, no matter how much you hate your spouse – still you will go through pain because the physical memory can never be lost.

Even if you just hold someone’s hand intimately enough for a certain period of time, this will never be forgotten, because your palms and your soles are very effective receptors.It is best to limit intimacy to the minimum. Today so many of us are driven to find true purpose of our lives, we want to meditate and gain more than just money and fame.Imagine if your energies are so entangled you are no longer you. You are an accumulation of energy from various sources some you have no idea about. This was the idea for having a committed relationship.The body needs stable memory – people feel this. Their spouse may not be physically great or intellectually great, they may be quarreling on the surface, but still they would sacrifice anything to be with them, because somewhere, they understand that this gives them maximum comfort and wellbeing. This is because your physical memory rules your life much, much more than your mental memory. The very way you are right now is ruled by your physical memory, not by your mental memory.

That is why monogamy is still preferred, unless one of them dies and the other one remarries. But now, before you are 25, you had 25 partners – people are already paying the price for that – 10% of the population in the United States is on antidepressants. One major contributing factor is they do not know where they belong, because the body is confused.

More insights on erasing the physical memory can be found:

http://www.ishafoundation.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/exclusive-committed-relationship/

After a lot of reflection the only thing that I could conclude was that there is nothing as right or wrong it is a choice. “So have I committed a sin by being promiscuous? Being in a committed relationship will I go to heaven? Or have a super happy life?? It is not on that level. Every action has a consequence. This is not a moralistic reality; it is a certain existential process. If you do certain things with your mind, certain consequences will come. If you do certain things with your body, certain consequences will come. The decision was and is always yours.

Lots of Love!

Sargam

Shift in Perspective – A Relationship Exercise

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Perspectives Sargam Mishra RelationshipsDo you know the fastest way to spiritually and emotionally evolve in life??

It is through “Relationships” yes …imagine if you were all alone in this world everything would have been the way you wanted to.Relationships bring conflicts and contrasts in life it also helps us to see life through different perspectives.This switch of perspectives gives a variety in thinking because now there is no one way of seeing a situation/person or may be life and hence we see people in similar circumstances but able to experience life in completely different flavors.

However the issues in life arise when we resist this variety in perspectives considering our perspective was the best way at looking life. This is the beginning of issues and problems in life as gradually this resistance makes us fixated to our beliefs and expectations.

Sharing a Relationship exercise you can try think of an instance where you were totally in a disagreement with your partner/boss/mum in law/daughter in law on a particular situation now try to switch perspectives be in their shoes and justify the act from their perspective.
After a monologue for few minutes you will realize that from another perspective that act or situation may not be that bad or may be it makes sense and then the anger and resentment that you were holding will be released. This will help be very helpful in practicing forgiveness during the MCKS Meditation on twin hearts.

Love!!

Emotional PAIN – Doorway to Inner Alchemy

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Pain the doorway to Inner Alchemy Sargam Mishra

This blog is a part of a conversation with a parent whose child recently went through a break up and was extremely miserable. It is really amazing how thoughts get triggered when I am put in situation 🙂 The approach that was followed by the parent was to provide the child as many self help tips and valuable advise that was available to disconnect him from the PAIN but finally there was nothing that was actually working for him. The reason that I feel that self help gyan, spirituality etc does not work at this time is because it means we are somewhere we are not suppose to be.

I was just thinking if we keep reinforcing that the situation due to which a person is in PAIN is something that in first place should not happen and if it has happened one needs to be out of it asap or run from it. This can create a feeling of shame or failure in the child/person. Instead if we can follow the approach that it is just OKAY to go through a situation in life to learn as we are not born with experience instead we gather it on our life journey, this becomes a more positive situation for the child/person.

It takes 3 seconds flat to come to this life and realize PAIN is part of our life. But it takes an entire life to accept the reality that YES PAIN is a part of our life and it is OKAY…….Stop running away from facing the reality that yes life will be painful whenever we will fall out of a relationship, or when we will lose our loved ones …my first encounter with PAIN I mean the really brutal encounter was when I lost my mother..as a child I was really afraid to grow up thinking that if I grew up my parents and dear relatives will grow old and I will have to see them die. That thought used to freeze me when I was only 6 yrs old….I used to sit in rooms and mull over it but I never told this to anyone.

When the day I lost my mother I had no idea that the real pain would be far greater than I had imagined. My father is a strong man and he never made himself vulnerable in front of anyone during this loss and so I decided I will not cry and just accept the pain as with the loss. I saw many of my relatives howling and crying but I stayed calm and dissociated myself with the fact that she is gone.

So basically I became numb to the PAIN and moved away when I felt emotionally battered I shifted my focus to studies or be with friends etc. But at one point I felt I am cheating my self as I could not just be all right or pretend I was all right when I was not . I had a tough time accepting that it is all right to be with this PAIN and respect the pain and live it …. I will never complain or make it a reason of my suffering instead will respect this parting away. The pain made me super sensitive to people and their pain and suffering. Healing and consultation needs a lot of empathy, landing into a healing profession and being able to share myself with people in similar situations is a result of knowing and being friendly with the PAIN.

I have realized that PAIN is not a curse or the materialization of our BAD KARMA the way we are told. However it is an opportunity to be present with our self , to be present with our emotions. This is the reason why Buddhism teachings revolve around suffering and PAIN. As children we are always told people who suffer in life are those who have done bad deeds so they have to suffer to neutralize the Karma. Instead the truth is if you use the PAIN to your advantage one can create a whole new meaning of life. The suffering is a result of not being able to to use the pain to our advantage instead trying to run away from it or hide. When we see pain as a deviation from the normal it becomes unacceptable or something that should be avoided so if you are in pain divert your mind, join a dance class, watch a movie or get drunk.

I am sure many of us have tried these escapes but what happens ?? The next time it come in as a more stronger wave of emotion. What if I told you PAIN is good , it is alright perfectly alright to have a failed relationship, it is alright to be hopeless and miserable. When we try things in life there are fair chances to be successful or fail. This is perfectly normal. That is how we learn , somethings are not meant for us …if we all got 100 percent in all our subjects we will never know what we are really really good at.

Our dear President APJ Abdul Kalam wanted to be an Air Force pilot however failed in his exam here is an excerpt from his writing:

I still remember the ache in my heart as I attempted to make sense of what had happened. When a dearly held desire begins to break up, one can feel nothing but despair and emptiness as one tries to come to terms with the end of a dream. I could not bear to be indoors after seeing the result. I had to go out for air and be in the open, because all around me the walls seemed to close in. I walked around for a while till I reached the edge of a cliff. I stood there looking down at the shimmering waters of a lake and wondered what I should do next. Plans needed to be changed and priorities reassessed. I decided to go to Rishikesh for a few days and seek a new way forward.

I was granted an audience with Swami Sivananda himself. My being a Muslim did not affect him in any way. Instead, before I could speak, he asked what had filled me with sorrow. I only fleetingly wondered how he knew about my sadness before I embarked on any explanation of the recent developments in my life. He listened calmly and then washed away my anxieties with a smile of deep peacefulness. His next words were some of the most profound I had ever heard. His feeble yet deep voice still resonates when I think of them: “Accept your destiny and go ahead with your life. You are not destined to become an air force pilot. What you are destined to become is not revealed now but it is predetermined. Forget this failure, as it was essential to lead you to your destined path. Search, instead, for the true purpose of your existence.”

We need no clue as to what happened to this gentleman post his failure 🙂 but at that point in life it was a dream crashing down.He could have mulled over it for life , committed a suicide, got drunk or what ever you can imagine 🙂

In the scheme of larger things there are no mistakes and no coincidences. You are where you are suppose to be at this very moment. Mistakes in life help you to find your way when you are lost. Getting lost is not a crime we were not born with an inbuilt GPS system 😛 right?

A beautiful video clip: It is Perfectly Normal to make mistakes in life, our parents , society, friends have to be compassionate and acceptable to the idea of failure and pain.We will have to change the way we have been looking at people and situations. Today’s generation is taking more risks , trying out more than our previous generations and hence they have more to learn and explore and this can only happen when we learn to fail and accept the pain that follows it.

There are no MISTAKES in life !! I repeat no mistakes it is just how the source brings you back to your life path….so stop grinning ,complaining, cursing instead ask your self what is the next right move… that is it …stop thinking about how big the situation is …you just need that next right move…..

TIPS to Deal with Pain:

1. Be Vulnerable – Allow yourself to be exposed to being ok in asking for help or sharing your story with people. do not shut your self. Most of the time we tell people we are self sufficient and can survive well by meeting our own needs. This is actually a common lie we tell ourselves often because we hesitate to fulfill that need by asking anyone for it as it makes us vulnerable and prone to be rejected or hurt.
However it is empowering to know that we can create people and situations to show up in our reality through manifestation. So we can manifest people having complimentary needs thereby leading to a more fulfilling life.

2.Instead of Looking at your whole life focus on the next right move – Most of us when fail in life we start fearing the uncertainities of life. We want to know what will happen to me 2yrs post a divorce, will I get the right partner, will I be having financial security etc etc. This thought process takes up the strength to move ahead in life.

Instead when we are in a lot of mess the only question we should think about is the next right move and then follow it with next right move and so on. Future is created every moment by moving in the right direction. So just follow your joy. Live an hour better and then the next and it will make up a beautiful day.

3.Create your ME Time – We are living in an ocean of thought forms sometime what we think is a result of what my next door neighbor is projecting in his thoughts. It is very important to distinguish your thoughts from the borrowed thought form of your environment. So take some time out to meditate to be able to connect your self to know what should be your life like.

4. Self Love – This is my favorite remember you cannot love anyone if you do not love yourself. Make your feelings , your life a priority till you get comfortable living it every day. A happy person can only create happiness around himself/herself.

5. Do Service – Do random acts of kindness and create difference in life of others it brings immense amount of joy and we also realize that life is a gift which  should be used well.

Sargam is an experienced Relationship Counsellor and uses energy healing techniques for guidance and healing of emotional issues. She also runs a 21 Day Relationship Healing event with more than 2500 participants online. If you need guidance fix up a skype session, mail your question or fix up a telephonic session, take prior appointment on healingmindbodynsoul@gmail.com

The Lost Virtues

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In school during the moral science classes children are given amazing lessons on honesty, building a good character and becoming a good and responsible human being. As a child I loved my Moral Science classes when the teacher used to tell us stories on character building. Also I loved the Jatak Kathas and Panchtantra they were full of stories on how one should lead a good life be kind and helpful. These lessons end during junior school and then we enter senior school ,and then college. All of us are engrossed in the rat race of getting good marks , competing against friends and classmates to live our parent’s dreams. Somewhere in the journey these moral science lessons are shelved as they do not get us marks or any competitive edge.

But when we enter the corporate world we find that the mission statement of every company has the core value as Honesty. The value of honesty in business has obvious and subtle implications. Somewhere I was reading the “Corporate Ethics Isn’t About Rules; It’s About Honesty”

And I was wondering how much do we understand this statement in real life. When more than 85% people are living their lives suffocating their authentic selves under mask of “I am fine” or “I need to please all” and sometimes it is all about not being vulnerable for the fear of rejection or acceptance.

Masks quote sargam mishra

Honesty is the process of recognizing, accepting and expressing our authentic, true self. And this process starts with you. Nothing is more important than being honest with your self. Life is all about living your true authentic self, be vulnerable, be true and encourage people to air their dirty laundry in public.

Most of us go through an internal war between “Openness and Privacy” what is the right mix?How much to disclose how much to hide? This evaluation constantly happens in our head. Most of us spend our lives in such evaluation instead of living a fulfilling life.

For people to be open, we must embrace trust. When you don’t really know how to trust, this can be tricky. Because people have soft spots, triggers, topics that are more painful to deal with.From this perspective we can see how privacy is desired, but I also see how the desire to find someone who you do feel comfortable enough to trust is a permission slip to fall into openness.

People usually go through a guilt trip when they reminisce about the times when they had mask their true selves to live a life for approval and acceptance. Instead of getting in a loop by resisting the truth it is better to accept the past.This can create and honesty while simultaneously remaining in a positive vibration (which creates positive manifestation in your life) is… “I have not always acted honestly in the past, this causes me to know that I desire to act honestly now and in the future because integrity feels good and I’m often making choices in my life with integrity such as_________”.

This has to become a regular practice to break free of the shackles of living someone else’s life. Explore your self live a fulfilling life and be the best version of your self.

You have one life!!

Love Sargam

Honesty Quote Sargam Mishra Inner Alchemy

Desire THE Way To Enlightenment in 201X

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Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.
―Lao Tzu (Taoism)

Desire has been an interesting topic among spiritual enthusiast. As stated in the quote above most of the school of thoughts teach us to be free of all our desires to attain moksha. I have always been wondering why try so hard to not desire when it is easy to experience and let go. Let us try to understand what is Desire? The deeply ingrained tendencies of attachments and desire are often referred to by the English translation “earthly desires.” However, since they also include hatred, arrogance, distrust and fear, the translation “deluded impulses” may in some cases be more appropriate.

But can such desires and attachments really be eliminated? Attachments are, after all, natural human feelings, and desires are a vital and necessary aspect of life. The desire, for example, to protect oneself and one’s loved ones has been the inspiration for a wide range of advances–from the creation of supportive social groupings to the development of housing and heating. Likewise, the desire to understand humanity’s place in the cosmos has driven the development of philosophy, literature and religious thought. Desires are integral to who we are and who we seek to become.

In this sense, the elimination of all desire is neither possible nor, in fact, desirable. Were we to completely rid ourselves of desire, we would end up undermining our individual and collective will to live. Many of the spiritual gurus and holy texts emphasize on being completely free of desire to attain enlightenment , but if we were to think even the desire to not desire is also a desire 🙂

Desire is also a means of creation so if we were to understand, for e.g. when we give birth to a desire then we are introducing new possibilities of creation in the universe. The suffering is not from the desires but from the fact whether we will be able to fulfill the desires. When we start seeing our self incapable and non deserving of achieving our desires we suffer.

In other words, desire is not the cause of suffering; it is the opposite of suffering. Desire is what feels good. The truth is, desire is good. Desire is what keeps us going in life. It’s not getting stuff that makes us happy, it’s wanting stuff, hoping for stuff, dreaming of stuff – stuff like love, success, adventure, or meaning. Desire itself is the payoff!

Sure, sometimes we’re frustrated. Sometimes we get what we want, only to find out that it’s not as great as we thought. But to try to eliminate the central feature of a good human life just because of these stumbling blocks is to throw the baby out with the bathwater. These stumbling blocks are a necessary cost of leading a good human life.

I had this interesting conversation with a friend who just shared a perspective on desire, the happiness associated with the fulfillment of desire is temporary it goes away once a desire is fulfilled but what is even more long lasting is the happiness of having one less desire from the laundry list of desires we have…when we evolve spiritually the desires also under go transformation , so they are no longer deluded impulses but they become more service oriented, they are more towards larger good and oneness.Desires and attachments are then seen as fueling the quest for enlightenment.

The whole idea is to desire from a state of being complete, there is nothing in this universe that we do not deserve, whether it is health, happiness, abundance or even moksha, nirvana all that is ever there and all that will ever be is owned by each one of us it is just our own inhibitions and lack in self that keeps us away from it.

When you know that you lack nothing, that all there is, is you and yours, desire ceases.

―Nisargadatta Maharaj

Hindus talk about Atman, or your true Self, and say that “you are that”. Buddhists talk about suchness, or tathagata, and say that the nature of mind has no self. On the face of it they are saying the exact opposite, and yet it’s also been said that they are saying the exact same thing. It takes a lot of meditation and study to know why they are saying the same thing. Every thought movement you have is you. It is Buddha mind. When taught to meditate, you are taught to not push away thoughts – if you have a desire, don’t stop it – don’t push it away – just notice it. Anything that we resist is persists so whether it is our thoughts while meditation or our desires , if we will resist it they will occur again and again. You start by dis-identifying with it. By noticing it, it is no longer you. But later your awareness becomes more encompassing and it makes just as much sense to say that everything that occurs is you.

So once you understand that whatever you desire is there for you ; life is all about what is worth the desire 🙂 . You just need to be mindful in keeping your desires out to the universe as they will be fulfilled …. ‘The Secret’ ‘Law of Attraction’ ‘Synchronicity’ all are tools . You are a luminous light being and a master manifestor when you open your heart to your highest good there is nothing that will not show up in your reality.

Desire

“When you really desire something, All the Universe conspires to achieve it for YOU” – Paulo Coelho 

So if you are skeptical about the Paulo Coelho Quote read the abridged version, the secret lies in being in alignment with your soul /higher self/ buddha nature.

*The views expressed are totally an individual’s perspective with due respect to all gurus and religions.

  The Third most influential Teacher in the world Dr Wayne Dyer in Wishes Fulfilled

credits:http://www.sgi.org/buddhism/buddhist-concepts/desires.html

http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/why-the-buddha-was-wrong-desire-is-not-the-origin-of-suffering/

4 Steps to Overcome The Ghosts of The Past

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Sargam on PastWe create our own reality “Law of Attraction” is a supreme law which is applicable across dimensions unlike law of gravity that is very specific to a 3rd dimensional reality.”The Secret” beautifully illustrated this Law and it was talked about in great details by several renowned new age spiritual teachers. Wayne W Dyer the new age spiritual leader had given a beautiful explanation in an interview quoting him.

“First of all, I think the law of attraction has been misstated. You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are. That’s how the law of attraction works.

Twenty-five centuries ago in ancient China, Lao-tzu said there were four virtues. If you live them—if you live in a place of God-consciousness—the universe will give you God-consciousness. If you live in a place of ego-consciousness, though, the universe will give you more of that.

One virtue is reverence for all of life. You revere all life. You never kill, you never harm, you never wish harm, and you never have thoughts of harm directed toward yourself or others. Another virtue is natural sincerity, which is manifested as honesty. Just be honest with who you are. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Don’t be a phony. Walk your talk. That’s how God works, so doing it is emulating how Source works. The third virtue is gentleness, which manifests as kindness toward all others.

The fourth virtue, which is relevant here, is supportiveness. If you say to the universe, “Gimme, gimme, gimme,” which is what a lot of the work around the law of attraction says because of a misinterpretation, then the universe gives you back what you offered out. You get more “gimme, gimme, gimme.” “Gimme” means you don’t have enough. You have a shortage. The universe just keeps giving you more shortage because of what you’re thinking and saying.

If, on the other hand, you say to the universe again and again, “How may I serve? How may I serve? How may I serve?” and you live a life of constancy reflecting that principle, the universe will respond back, “How may I serve you?”

There can be several reasons why the Law of Attraction does not work in certain situations. The one main reason for not being in charge of creating our own reality is THE GHOSTS OF THE PASTS.….Prof Bruce Lipton in his book “Biology of Belief” highlighted that every cell in our body is a miniature human being in itself having its own brain, heart, respiratory system and reproductive system wondering ?? It is a beautiful impeccable system trust me 🙂

Each cell stores memories and programs of our past so imagine if while you were a toddler, you got hurt by a hot stove the painful memory associated with that event will always trigger. Same thing happens when we are in an abusive childhood or a painful relationship the hurt of the past is absorbed and stored and gradually as these memories get accumulated over 30-35 or even 60 years it becomes hard to break through these patterns.

We are unable to see the beauty of people instead we use the glasses of past to see them. This also interferes with the LOA the ghosts of the pasts keep visiting us and instead of creating what we want we end up manifesting what we worry about. Remember “Worrying works like a prayer for asking all that you do not want”

GHOSTS OF THE PAST

sargam ghost of the past

Law of Attraction is like standing in front of the mirror and reflecting our thoughts , so if you want money and your thoughts are about not being broke what you reflect to the mirror (universe) is being broke and you end up in a lack of finances.

Similarly when we want a beautiful body and we fuss over our over weight physique what we project to the universe is the image of a flabby figure and there you go , you have more flab 🙂

How to Overcome the Ghosts of the Past:

1. Let go of your past – Good Bad Ugly whatever has happened is done ; what you have today is a present so treat it with love and gratitude.

2. Take Ownership – You and only you are responsible for your life if you keep blaming others there can never be healing.

3. Forgive forgive forgive – There is no better therapy than the act of forgiveness how long do u want to carry the burden of your past??

4. Live in Gratitude  – Each one of us came with a unique purpose so be awake and aware ; be of service, be kind and live each moment of life like it was meant to be. Be conscious creators and create from the point of love and gratitude.

People who are complaining spend their lives complaining; people who are grateful spend their life being grateful  🙂

Here is a video for all those who can not stop thinking or expecting the WORSE by Teal Swan refer video 2

Love Sargam

Changing the World Outside in Just a Simple Way

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Raise your Vibration - Sargam

Our Outer World is a reflection of our inner world; when we meditate or dive deep within we connect with the universe within. This helps us to realize the change that we seek in others in order to feel happy, loved and cared in life is only possible if we our self project these emotions towards us.

People around us are like mirrors they just reflect our inner feelings. Mindfulness , self love and meditations are beautiful tools to facilitate our inner connection.So if you really want the world outside to change then just move on to higher frequencies of love/joy/gratitude/appreciation.

Here is a video to help raise your vibrations 🙂

You are a luminous star dust ; let your light shine 🙂

Lots of Love Sargam!

10 fantastic quotes to help Raise Your Vibrations 🙂

1. “Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it, to realize it.”Osho

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2. “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”―Wayne W. Dyer

3. “Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”Paulo Coelho

4. “You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.” —Deepak Chopra

5. “Sometimes in order to be happy in the present moment you have to be willing to give up all hope for a better past.”Robert Holden

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6. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ―Rumi

7. “What I know is that if you do work that you love, and the work fulfills you, the rest will come.”Oprah Winfrey 

Quotes courtesy :

http://www.ilivethelifeilove.com/quotes-to-raise-your-vibration/

There is No Secret Ingredient :) – Self Love

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Sargam Self Love

The easiest way to practice spirituality in every day life is to love yourself. SELF LOVE is the new Prayer, a new Mantra , a new Meditation ”

When I was  in my 2nd grade that is the time I remember I used to have so much fun looking myself in the mirror I could just be standing and looking my self for hours, making different hair styles, looking at my smile and making lots of faces 🙂 I also loved crying in front of the mirror and would smile seeing how I looked so beautiful even when I cried 😉

I was my own personal favorite 🙂 and always treated myself special but somehow it was hard for my friends to understand this act of self love,  and they thought I was not humble. Gradually I learned that it was not good to tell people if you were good at anything upright as it was considered as being proud or boastful. I saw my parents rarely speaking about our accomplishments in front of us as they feared we would be flying on clouds of pride. Appreciation was rare and if some family/ friends complimented we would deflect the appreciation or shy away.

As I grew up I lost touch with the “self love” aspect and gradually it manifested as a self negating internal conversation of “I am not as good as xyz, her hair was better than mine, her grades are better, she sings better than me”. This constant negative self talk resulted in weight gain, dull complexion and poor self image. I started meeting people who reassured I am not so good and need to really work on my self physically and emotionally.

Even in my relationship I had tough time proving my worth 😦  but with time gradually I realized it was nothing to do with others but it was a reflection of my own thoughts and my own poor self image. In life we are all faced with tough situations testing times and if you instead of feeling victim of the external situations, you are able to look within and introspect you will understand how these people and situations are only a reflection . Thanks to my calling of Pranic Healing that helped me restore my faith in me 🙂 it made me believe I AM SPECIAL !!

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From Buddha to the Hollywood actor Johny Depp has spoken about how important it is to love your self. A person who cannot love himself or inflicts himself/herself of pain is responsible for inflicting pain to others. If you love yourself you will understand and appreciate the individuality of others ; you will be able to respect and appreciate others with an open heart.

We live our life thinking our selves to be average and keep looking for some secret ingredient to make us special without realizing that the secret ingredient was always with us 🙂

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Self Love helps us connect with our own self and trust me when I write this I write out of experience , the first time I stood in front of the mirror dropping all judgement about me and looked into my eyes there was so much I wanted to say to my self. There was so much love , so much acceptance I had deprived myself of. I had feared been alone by myself and I was just craving for someone else to love me, approve me, compliment me. After a couple of minutes there was this knowing that I was not just what I could see in the mirror I was so much more and it was a big revelation. I just silently promised I will again bring back that child in me. I am Special and I did not need an assurance or approval for thinking this.

I know most of us have been in situations where we do not have time for ourselves, we are too busy in caring and loving others waiting for them to love us but if we continue this for a long time we will become emotionally bankrupt. Self Love is the way to maintain your bank balance of love.

Some quick questions to check your Self Love Quotient

1. Can you take up compliments with gratitude without deflecting them? Yes

2. Do you feel people who speak about their accomplishments are boasting? No

3.Can you spend time with yourself alone? Yes

4.Is your conversation with self something negative (comparative/self hating/fault finding)?? No

5.Can you see your self in the mirror and smile n feel happy or you feel sad? Yes

 

If your answers are opposite to what are written then you need to work on your Self Love quotient 🙂

Tips to Cultivate Self Love

1. Pay Gratitude (maintain a gratitude journal for the little things you like about yourself)

2. Smile whenever you see the mirror n give a mental compliment

3.Go out alone and treat yourself

4.Pursue a passion

5. Develop a positive self talk habit

In the world where we teach humility and encourage to keep our happiness on least priority ; Self Love is the only savior – Love Sargam

self-loving teal