Very often, we find that two people who come together out of love grow apart as the years go by in a relationship. People who had vowed to be together or were committed to be in a relationship for a lifetime are seen thinking or acting out on exploring options in life. I have been wondering over this for years as I myself have been in a long committed relationship for nearly 15 years now and completing my 8th year of marriage. Trust me it was never easy as we both evolved through our relationship and walked our own life paths. Life brought up different situations and lessons to be handled from shades of greys to white. In today’s world 15 years with a single person does seem a long time :). With my own sweet and sour experience of this one relationship I end up being a Relationship Counsellor and Healer . Now the situation is nearly every day I am either observing or participating in relationship set ups and philosophies of my friends and clients.

I still have my moments of doubts on what is right or what is wrong ? Many a times I have noticed that it is hard to counsel people as they have such justifications for all the mess in their life due to relationships.Many of my friends/clients are still single even after being in several relationships one after the other , while some are married but have their own philosophies on marriage and promiscuity/emotional affairs etc. Still there are these lifetime vows that a couple takes during the marriage ceremonies ..till death do us apart and ends up breaking them sometimes within few months.

Today, we are living in a culture where it is not necessary that we have lived with one partner all our life. Things have changed over the time. A partner comes with an expiry date. When one gets in a relationship we think it is going to last forever, but within three months we start questioning our decision and think, “Oh, why the hell am I with this person?”

24 by 7 relationships are under scrutiny, they are being judged based on what you like about the relationship /partner and what you dislike.This constant evaluation restricts us from experiencing the person as he or she is. Instead we are always in the mode of analyzing how he or she could be better by suiting our requirements (Likes and Dislikes). Because of this, it is always off and on, off and on. When a relationship goes through so much internal scrutiny it cannot last long. This gives rise to promiscuity, adultery, emotional affairs and multiple partners causing enormous pain and suffering, which is totally unnecessary. I was in Greece when my husband was sharing that even in Greek culture people marry for having good quality kids so the parents look for the best match. In the Hindu system till date we have arrange marriages based on horoscope matching , however it is changing gradually. From love marriages being arranged to acceptance of love marriages and now even live in setup we are gradually accepting the changes. So we are catching up with the West 🙂

I have met several people in situations during counselling sessions and in my personal life where I was face to face with the question as to why should one limit one self to a long and boring monogamous relationship when one can have sex or be emotionally attached with multiple partners, a few nights here, a few weeks there, over and over again? We see others having a great time in such a set up and some just blame it all on God 🙂 if it was not suppose to be it would not have been.

Now if we can understand God and the humongous responsibility of billions of people on Earth and then several others on other planets and who knows many galaxies. He must be too busy to schedule and plan multiple relationships in your life. I am sure he has better things to do. So this is something you are creating based on your choice which is driven by your needs and your character (evolved over a period of time). In Spiritual world the sex energy is the source of all creation, it helps in awakening Kundalini and is a gateway to yoga of highest kind.However considering the slow evolution of the human being it was used and abused to satisfy the lower nature (animal instincts) of human being. Now if we understand energy anytime you interact closely with any person you experience entanglement of your energy. If you do this exercise of falling in and out of love too often, if you go on playing around with too many people, after some time you will become numb, you do not like anybody because your emotions and the response of your body to these emotions is numb.

Remember how easy it is to remember an exclusive experience? Your first kiss or your first date but when you are with several people then your mind will be constantly comparing all the experiences. This subtle energy entanglement or entanglement of physical, emotional and mental bodies is called Runanubandha or entanglement.

Recently I met a lady (50 years old) married having a 21 year old kid she had undergone a surgery,  a major surgery and she was confiding how she was having the memories of the beautiful time spent with her boyfriend before marriage. She was feeling extremely guilty as she could not understand why were these thoughts haunting her after more than 30 years of her marriage. She approached me to help her come out of this guilt and help erase these feelings from her energy body using healing. As a Pranic Healer it was an interesting assignment for me but again it made me think how every cell in our body is designed to store memory. A single cell knows where it has to be placed in the body ; it knows whether it will grow as a tooth or a an organ or help build the bone. This was phenomenal aha moment for me. So if like me you thought the brain is the mind it is not. Brain is just a part of the body. Mind is a combination of memory and intelligence.The body has far more memory than the brain and this is the basis of genetics. Your body still actively remembers what happened a million years ago. Genetics is just memory. So today if my eyes look like my great grand mom this is because of the memory stored within my genes in the body. In Indian culture, this physical memory is called runanu bandha. It is our memory that binds us to things around us.

An interesting video by Sadhguru on Mind

An interesting example is given by Sadhguru

“Suppose you went home and you forgot who your father and mother are, what would you do? It is not the blood or the love, it is the memory that tells you this person is your mother or father. It is only memory that breeds relationship and bondage. If you lose your memory, anyone will look like an absolute stranger to you.”

When people have sex with each other, the mind may forget it, but the body will never forget. If you get a divorce, no matter how much you hate your spouse – still you will go through pain because the physical memory can never be lost.

Even if you just hold someone’s hand intimately enough for a certain period of time, this will never be forgotten, because your palms and your soles are very effective receptors.It is best to limit intimacy to the minimum. Today so many of us are driven to find true purpose of our lives, we want to meditate and gain more than just money and fame.Imagine if your energies are so entangled you are no longer you. You are an accumulation of energy from various sources some you have no idea about. This was the idea for having a committed relationship.The body needs stable memory – people feel this. Their spouse may not be physically great or intellectually great, they may be quarreling on the surface, but still they would sacrifice anything to be with them, because somewhere, they understand that this gives them maximum comfort and wellbeing. This is because your physical memory rules your life much, much more than your mental memory. The very way you are right now is ruled by your physical memory, not by your mental memory.

That is why monogamy is still preferred, unless one of them dies and the other one remarries. But now, before you are 25, you had 25 partners – people are already paying the price for that – 10% of the population in the United States is on antidepressants. One major contributing factor is they do not know where they belong, because the body is confused.

More insights on erasing the physical memory can be found:

http://www.ishafoundation.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/exclusive-committed-relationship/

After a lot of reflection the only thing that I could conclude was that there is nothing as right or wrong it is a choice. “So have I committed a sin by being promiscuous? Being in a committed relationship will I go to heaven? Or have a super happy life?? It is not on that level. Every action has a consequence. This is not a moralistic reality; it is a certain existential process. If you do certain things with your mind, certain consequences will come. If you do certain things with your body, certain consequences will come. The decision was and is always yours.

Lots of Love!

Sargam