There are many couples who resent about how they had thought their partner would transform post marriage/ committed relationships.Some expect a formal husband and wife relationship after being friends for years..others fantasize their partners to change their lifestyle (e.g. quit smoking, lose weight, curtail being with friends)..but most of the times the outcome of such illusions is resentments. When we expect people to change or put conditions in any relationship we are not in Love with their authentic self but in love with our own expectations.
When you Love someone , Love them for who they are not for what they can be. Life is all about “Loving in the PRESENT”
The Study lamp is on, the writing desk all lined up awaiting the new article. The previous blogs have mostly been on Health and Healing so wanted to just do a general heart to heart with all of you specially after this beautiful travel.This month has started with a very exciting travel schedule.My Journey to one of the most amazing spiritual destination in the Himalayas.This blog is my inner conversations during the stay at the spiritual abode of lord Vishnu TheBadrinath Dham. The Himalayas has been the meditation place for many Spiritual gurus, enlightened beings and in Hindu Mythology it is the abode of Lord Shiva and has a huge spiritual significance. It is said till date there are millions of Sages still meditating to help the evolution of humanity.
During the trip there was so much for me to absorb and experience that there was a subtle anxiety, yes anxiety , this journey will end soon ; there was a resistance to leave the place . Somewhere a wish that this experience should continue for long as I seriously didn’t want this to end. The serenity and energies of the place are extremely energizing and healing. Many Spiritual seekers have met enlightened beings en route Badrinath Dham, modern mystic of our time Sri M (Book: Apprenticed to a Himalayan Yogi), Yogiraj Siddhanath (Book:Wings of Freedom), Yogananda Paramhansa (Book:Auto biography of a Yogi) all have a written account of their journey in their books while traveling to this spiritual heaven. Iinterestinglythis trip was in my to do list but this will happen so suddenly I had no idea. The trip was an invitation from friend but today I can only appreciate the way this trip happened. The picture below is the Temple of Sri Badrinath this place has a lot of reference and connection with Hindu Epic Mahabharata.
Badrinath Temple – India
The natural beauty is so mesmerizing that I was just busy absorbing nature, mountains, rivers and valleys. Just picture perfect every landscape had a story to tell. I could just keep looking in one direction for hours in great awe and love. I really wanted to experience meditation in this Tapobhumi (land of meditation and penance) thousands of great yogis and sages and even gods have meditated in this land. To share the same energy was a blessing, I pulled myself together and sat down to meditate and tune in to the vortex of energies.
Our mind is amazing it keeps us so occupied through the 5 senses that you want to continue see, hear the birds and feel the cool breeze. It was so difficult for me to close the eyes but at last I decided I will not open my eyes and sit and meditate and connect within.I was so full of gratitude and reverence. Initially all the stories of Mahavtar babaji, Shiva Ji , Vishnu Ji and Pandavas were flashing in my mind then gradually the anxiety to expect miracles disappeared. I was there with my Being.
The following conversation was an outcome of my interactions during the Journey and while introspection.
No Matter How Weak or Small we Appear as God’s Creation we are Source in all its Magnificence
In the vastness of the mighty mountains and open sky we appear as minuscule creation of God but we are part of the hologram which is called the Source/God/Allah/Rab 🙂 it is upto us what we do with this truth. We can either go into denial and detriment our own growth or build upon the truth and manifest our greatness.
We All have a Unique Place in the Web of the Universe
Every person every being in this space time reality is perfect in its own way, there is no need to judge the journey and expansion of others instead focus on our own expansion. There is no competition and there is ample space for everyone.However since the childhood we are told we have to be better than others and it makes our life miserable trust me we all are blessed with our unique gifts.We are a living spirit just discovering our own potential every day.
Source is Abundance and So Are We
Just like every piece of the apple pie has the essence of the apple it is made of we all have the essence of source within us. Most of us worship this essence in others and create a separation between God and ourselves. We ourselves have created a separation of what is God and what is not. However if we look from the eyes of Source/God everything has come from the Source and hence is Source in its essence. So I am no less a Source you are and you are no less Source than I am. The ego automatically gets battered and exits.
Lining up with Our Being NOW is the Key to Bliss
Time is an illusion in the third dimension it creates a separation between past , present and future however if we see from higher dimension perspective every moment is about NOW; Most of us look for an escape from living the life in Present instead we want to dwell in the past or plan for the future. The one most important revelation was aligning with our being in every moment. Accepting ourselves instead of waiting for the perfect version to show up in the future. This always creates an illusion of the gap, an illusion that there is a distance between you and your perfect reality thereby creating anxiety, grief and repentance.
“I am in every moment of my life in perfect harmony , the divine perfectly aligns my life to the infinite power that lies within me”
“Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.”
– The Prophet Kahlil Gibran
Love is the most amazing human emotion and the most misinterpreted one as well . After a decade of falling in love and being married and hearing and sorting out marriages and love stories of friends my idea of love has evolved too. I feel , possessiveness, sacrificing, worrying, over protectiveness, and expecting others to change is not love. As parents taking decision on kids behalf in the name of “I care and I know your good better” is not love. Deciding a child’s career or the right partner or even friends and not allowing the child to try his own will is not love. Forcing a child to compete , whether it is by saying see your friend eats much faster than you or he gets better grades is definitely not love.
Every time someone does anything for us we label it as LOVE and when people do not fit in that label anymore we say they do not LOVE us. So What is actually LOVE? A new born child is a perfect example of what LOVE is ;it is just being the authentic self, no conditions attached. Whether he/she cries, gets cranky or has forced you into sleepless nights. The only thing you can do about it is enjoy its BEING , you still feed it, change its nappy and try to put it to sleep.And a smile on the toddler just makes your heart GROW. As parents most of our preconceived notions of love change so the equation of give and take just changes. We do not seek to change our baby but rather start appreciating the blessing the beauty it already is.
When I speak to couples going through relationship issues during counselling sessions the whole conversation revolves around ‘I thought he/she would change and adjust as per my needs, as per my family needs, she will sacrifice, compromise… Oh I married just because I thought he/she will grow up, be more responsible, work on her self’ etc etc etc….. there is a list of HOW I WISH ….. and that is the end of the relationship 🙂
During healing sessions projecting lots of love and affection towards the patient makes healing quicker. Sometimes I hear comments like no one has cared for me the way you do and I find it really sad to see that love is rare and may want to label through a relationship/friendship etc. There are no different kinds of LOVE believe me there is nothing like a child’s love, a mother’s love, god’s love , healer’s love .. 😛 LOVE is just LOVE. We just experience the depth of love being in all different roles .Love is tenderness of mother’s care, love is boyfriend’s hug, love is when a father hold her child’s hand while crossing the road, love is in mom’s food, friend’s care, silence after a kiss 🙂
If you are unable to find a deep intimate relationship in your life the reason is not because you are unable to find LOVE but your own distorted understanding of Love. Love is about the intimacy two individuals share from a space of total comfort. Where you allow the person to see through you; you do not force the person to see you the way you project but much more deep. So the elementary knowledge of love that we see in movies, in fairy tales does not work in real life real intimate love is more like a Ph D 😉
Love is not about idealizing the projected image of a partner or our own opinion and picture of them instead it is about going deep and exploring the real person he/she is and expressing appreciation and gratitude for this being. There is no person on this planet who is not worthy of love as we all are made in that essence.
As Marianne Williamson says” It is’nt the absence of people in our life that causes pain, but rather what we do with them when they’re there.”
So when we get a loving girlfriend , we forget our parents, when we get a beautiful wife we forget our friends , when we get women to have fun outside marriage we forget our wife……….so in reality we are never able to nourish any relationship and in the end we are ALONE.
You know why a search for love is endless?? As the love we seek is always there within us. So the day you have understood love, love will find you no matter where you are. Love can be beautifully understood from nature.
“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, “You owe me.” Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky. – Rumi (Hafiz)
Great romantic relationships are based on intimacy and appreciation and by helping them access their highest . The fairy tale called “The Frog Prince” reveals a deep psychological connection between our attitudes towards people and their capacity for transformation. In the story, a princess kisses a frog and he becomes a prince. What this signifies is the miraculous power of love to create a context in which people naturally blossom into their highest potential. Neither nagging to get people to change, criticizing or fixing can do that.
You can only understand people in life if you can love them. “What is not Loved is not Understood” We hold our self separate and wait people to earn our love. But people deserve our love for what they were created to be and that is their Authentic Self. As long as we wait for them to be anything better, we will constantly be disappointed.
When we choose to approve and give pure love to people , the miracle kicks both ways – This is the key – Love Sargam
When I See YOUR FACE IS NOT A THING I WILL CHANGE BECAUSE GIRL YOU ARE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE – Bruno Mars
To love, is above all to be there for your loved ones mindfully. But being there is not an easy thing,If you are not there, how can you love? Being a part of someone’s life is a great privilege which has its own responsibilities. Most of the time we take it for granted because gradually with time we are assured that they will always be there. So we miss our anniversary, our son’s parent teacher meeting, our daughter’s performance at the annual day some parents don’t even remember their kid’s date of birth. Can you relate to any of this?? If yes it is time you pay attention to your relationships and all the wonderful people who are sharing their life with you.
The most precious gift you can give to the one you love is your true presence. What must we do to really be there? Those who have practiced meditation know that meditating is above all being present: to yourself, to those you love, to life.
Here is a very simple practice of mindful breathing: “Breathing–I know that I am breathing in; breathing–I know that I am breathing out.” If you do that with a little concentration, then you will be able to really be there, because in our daily life our mind and our body are rarely together. Our body might be there, but our mind is somewhere else. Maybe you are lost in regrets about the past, maybe in worries about the future, or else you are preoccupied with your plans, with anger or with jealousy. And so your mind is not really there with your body.
Between the mind and the body, there is something that can serve as a bridge. The moment you begin to practice mindful breathing, your body and your mind begin to come together with one another. It takes only 10 to 20 seconds to accomplish this miracle called oneness of body and mind. With mindful breathing, you can bring body and mind together in the present moment, and every one of us can do it, even a child.
Practice of simple words can help in understanding the true meaning of being there.
“Dear one, I am here for you.” Perhaps this evening you will try for a few minutes to practice mindful breathing in order to bring your body and mind together. You will approach the person you love and with this mindfulness, with this concentration, you will look into his or her eyes, and you will begin to utter this formula: “Dear one, I am really here for you.” You must say that with your body and with your mind at the same time, and then you will see the transformation.
Do you have enough time to love? Can you make sure that in your everyday life you have a little time to love? We do not have much time together; we are too busy. In the morning while eating breakfast, we do not look at the person we love, we do not have enough time for it. We eat very quickly while thinking about other things, and sometimes we even hold a newspaper that hides the face of the person we love. In the evening when we come home, we are too tired to be able to look at the person we love.
We must bring about a revolution in our way of living our everyday lives, because our happiness, our lives, are within ourselves.
There are many couples who resent about how they had thought their partner would transform post marriage/ committed relationships.Some expect a formal husband and wife relationship after being friends for years..others fantasize their partners to change their lifestyle (e.g. quit smoking, lose weight, curtail being with friends)..but most of the times the outcome of such illusions is resentments. When we expect people to change or put conditions in any relationship we are not in Love with their authentic self but in love with our own expectations.
Sargam Mishra 